Conflict Styles on an International Level

December 8, 2008

I dedicate this post to the women, men and youth of the Community Mediation Center of Southeastern Virginia, for whom I miss, am thankful for, and who taught me so much.

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, but let other things get in the way. All, I can say is, I am so glad that I received the training in conflict resolution that I did as an AmeriCorps volunteer. It has proved and will continue to prove, invaluable during this experience.

Conflict is a part of everyone's life. From the ant to the ambassador, conflict exists. I believe conflict exists to teach us that their are options, and that reason can occur if we want it to. I have found that in China, not only have I witnessed conflict, experienced it and evaluated it continually, but I have used my methods for dealing with conflict (techniques I refer to as "the secret" because so few people actually know them) nearly every day, and much more than I did use back home. They are my secret weapon.

When do I use these coping methods? When I deal with other volunteers, students, my liaison, colleagues. During the times when I am the canvas for people to paint their problems and worries on, I use them. To be able to paraphrase and use reflective listening has benefited me to the nth degree. Without fail, I leave conversations feeling that I was in control of the conversation, I did not let it provoke me, lure me or trap me into an emotional fist fight.

In my own life, juggling a partnership with someone in California, I have used these techniques and have noticed how vastly superior they are to the alternatives: silent treatment or argument.

It is not easy having the conflict style I have, a collaborative competitor. Basically, what that translates to is that, "I would love to work with you, as long as I get my way." Nonetheless, what is the most important thing of all, is actually knowing that that is how I am. I have seen in China, just how big of a collaborator I am. How it has gotten me into trouble by trying to do too many things, with too many people. Say, plan a lesson or activity with another teacher, or, (OH MY GOD!) how it has wasted my time.

It has taken me a while to come up with a communication strategy to this, but after a behavioral assessment, I have learned that to be assertive, above all else, will never fail. Communication is the key. Scratch that, ASSERTIVE communication is the key. It may leave you feeling funny at first, "Am I being mean?," you may ask yourself, but it is the key. Obviously, there are times, when it pays to not be assertive. However, in the end, you can walk away with a clear conscience, and that is so much more rewarding than sacrificing your principles or priorities for other people.