So what are the ups and downs of the last several weeks in China?
I am reminded that I need to write this because I have missed the last several weekly requirements that I should have submitted to my Field Director. Well, here it is...enjoy the rampage!
China is down when the weather is down. The weather in Changsha can be so abusively depressing that you could hang yourself from a ceiling fan in your classroom. EVERYTHING IS GRAY. The sky, the walls, the desks, the floors. Not to mention it can get bone-chillingly cold and numb and awful here. Just awful. But then....drumroll...
God can shine down on this place and whisk it away into a beautiful 78 degree day with birds, and a light breeze, and a refreshing afternoon shower or midnight thunderstorm, that reminds me of Florida.
Then, down again, when the KIDS JUST DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LEARN ANYTHING! They don't care, they never, never, never stop talking. Now, I repeat, repeat, repeat myself. I feel like I have almost busted my spleen from speaking so loudly in class...my tummy aches because I have to use such big attentive statements for the whole class to hear me....and then...
China is up again, because you can act like a complete fool in front of 60 students and IT WORKS! They love you. They love you and THEY LEARN. They want to learn. You've got them hooked...then....
China is down again because you can be intensely, INTENSELY LONELY...and then its...
Back up, because random neighbors will buy your dinner and take you fishing or feed you for free 3 nights in a row....and then
It is back down, because it takes a long time to get anywhere in this city....but then it's...
Back up, because you get there, and there is always something new....then it can
Pull you down because your liaison or school administration just doesn't really care about you, or the fact that you are 10,000 miles away from your home, or that you actually have a soul....then you can
Be uplifted at the fact that maybe you have made an impact and then you can be...
Disappointed at the fact that maybe no one cares when you leave...but you can
Always have faith that you have been blessed to walk here, in these crowded, dirty streets, and experience a cataclysm of emotion and feel...feel like you are free and living your life.
1 comment:
hey jason-
i really like your last comment about experiencing the "cataclysm of emotion." sometimes, i feel like my greatest "take away" from china will be the fullness and spectrum of emotions and experiences had here. some days i feel like a "real" busting-butt volunteer. some days i feel like royalty. some days i hate teaching with the deepest gut in my body, and some days, when some disgruntled kid comes into my office for help, i realize it's all worth it; and the list goes on..yet, hopefully, one day, when we're really old and little more experienced..we can say that this year has made some greater difference in our lives and those around us. that's what i'm counting on!
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