ProJeCt 7585

Decisions, Decisions

2010-12-31T06:05:00.001-08:00

Decisions..Decisions
In his recent memoir, former president George W. Bush, offers us up an enticing and honest portrayal of his time as Commander in Chief.

Never short on gaffes, W. has been busy whistle-stopping this book to the likes of Oprah and NBC's Matt Lauer. In his interview with the latter, Bush offered a interesting tidbit to his view of the Iraq invasion. You know, that little war that has plundered the U.S. Treasury, killed thousands of American and Iraqi lives (not to mention the other nations involved in the "conflict"), derailed (at least in part) the global economy, spun Iraq into a civil war, and led to the uprising of such Jim Jonesish personalities like Cindy Sheehan (ugh!). (Okay, that last part was meant to be a joke to centralize this blog posting a bit more).

None the less, in his own words, Bush seems unwilling to admit that his decision to invade Iraq was, in fact, a mistake.(Note: Could you ever imagine being like, "So, uh, this one time (in mocking 15 year old Glee like voice), I ordered our military to attack a nation that has never attacked us without provocation, derailed their government, executed their Head of State, and lied to the American public about a WMD program that never actually existed. Oops, my bad!"

In the Lauer interview, Bush said, "I mean, apologizing would basically say the decision was a wrong decision. And I don't believe it was the wrong decision."

Okay, the guy wants to stick by his decisions. But C'MON!

The action was wrong George. However, your comment, like many of yours in the past, is just another example of your complete disconnect with the media and your reactionary, "stay-the-course" mentality that drove the car into the ditch.

Why not just admit to what we have since learned? That the invasion of Iraq was a failure. That does not mean that our troops died or have served in vain. On the contrary, they have and continue to fight valiantly. I just would have rather seen them providing this service in let's say, the Sudan, or...hmmm... buffing up the support in New Orleans during Katrina and the rebuilding effort.

No, this isn't about our troops. It's not even about the war. It's about a president that still doesn't get it. That the "cowboy" image that he fought so valiantly to protect, is indeed going to be his lasting legacy, and that's not necessarily a good thing. A man, blinded by advice he should have never taken (Rumsfeld and Cheney) and by a media that he could never master.

Wouldn't it have just been nice, if not an apology, to hear the real reason for the invasion. That it would create a cash cow. A war would stimulate contracting opportunities for corporations like Halliburton. Provide a "Democratic" stronghold in the Middle East (forget about Israel). Not to mention what many believe was the true reason, to eventually go to war with the oil-rich Iran. Wouldn't that truth have proved to be more accepting to the American public now, after billions of dollars and thousands of lives lost?

Who knows? Whatever the reasons for his "stick-by-your-guns" mentality, Bush did little to change his image in the eyes of the historians that will be writing about him, and crafting his story.

For all his decisions, one thing remains certain. You can always count on President Bush for a laugh.

Paradigm Shift

2010-08-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

“The Captain heard it and took action, only when he realized he didn’t have any choice.”

In rereading over my injustice essay, I was quick to locate a similarity between the attitude, actions and motives I spoke of, and the work of Stephen R. Covey in his article on Co-production.

In this article, the foundation of coproduction, or the relationship between the non-market world and the market economy as it was described, is applicable not just to stewards of public policy and law, but also to the individual, cast of characters and stakeholders, hoping to create paradigm shifts on the horizon.

So, the question I posed was, “What part of this potential paradigm shift am I a part of?”

The answer, in my opinion, was that I represent the terra firma. A member of civil society, who through his own actions, and more importantly, the telling of that story, can help to produce a paradigm shift.

You could say this is just a more elaborate way of telling someone that I am creating a butterfly effect. However, paradigm shifts do not come without struggle, which eventually fall on the shoulders of individuals and the choices they make. In this case, my choice was to either continue to live a life in which I was suffering in silence or embrace the true person that I am.

Imagine if that were the case for all human beings. Imagine that by individuals embracing that they were, gay, lesbian or transgendered, but also American, and entitled to pursue happiness the same as their fellow Americans, how their message would grow only brighter to the legislators, opponents and others on such serious debates as DADT, and federal recognition of Same-Sex marriage. Wouldn’t then, and only then, change be inevitable?

In respects to being part of that terra firma, I experienced not only a personal change in belief systems and advocacy, but I realized that opponents of my constitutional, legal and personal beliefs represented something of a lighthouse as well, although there were stark differences.

Like myself, they represent the non market economy, and thus we have competing interests. These individuals are unwilling to budge based on generations of, “family” values, public policy and law, informed through, at least to some extent, prejudice. It seems then, that to me, the lighthouse that shines the brightest would inevitably create the most impact.

So, it is without a doubt, that if our goal is to indeed change the way society thinks about the ways gays and lesbians are treated by the law, then we must induce a paradigm shift amongst those boats being beckoned to the harbor, and that starts with the individual.

The individual must be willing to change their own course against injustice. Often times, just admitting that injustice, prejudice, racism or oppression is occurring towards them is the first step. From there, the message grows louder, until, hopefully, the ships approaching have no choice, but to change course.

Deeper

2010-07-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Think of the words you use, when you speak of the cold air.
Its briskness and briefness that chills us to the bone.

Think of how it funnels past our ears, and blazes our cheeks.
Burning us and chapping our features. Reddening our lips.

And through its briefness, we never think about how that
wind started out high in the sky, over the tropics.
Warm and moist, above an opaque sea.

And churned into clouds and rains that were whipped across
farmlands, and deserts and cityscapes.

And ended up, staying, and cooling, and rushing past our faces.
So briefly, on a city street, in the darkness of winter.

And that is all we feel, the sting, and the sensation of the cold.
Without ever understanding, that there is more to its story.

Annoyances of May 4, 2009

2009-05-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

So, I am considering staying in China. Strike that. I want to stay in China. I mean, I really want to stay here. However, I am unsure how to facilitate this.

I have fallen in love with a lot of things about this country. From its seemingly endless wonders to its open spaces. It is hard to imagine a freer experience than this.

I find myself so scared of going back to the unknown. Not knowing what is in store. Readjusting. Getting use to the system of American life.

Ups and Downs

2009-04-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

So what are the ups and downs of the last several weeks in China?

I am reminded that I need to write this because I have missed the last several weekly requirements that I should have submitted to my Field Director. Well, here it is...enjoy the rampage!

China is down when the weather is down. The weather in Changsha can be so abusively depressing that you could hang yourself from a ceiling fan in your classroom. EVERYTHING IS GRAY. The sky, the walls, the desks, the floors. Not to mention it can get bone-chillingly cold and numb and awful here. Just awful. But then....drumroll...

God can shine down on this place and whisk it away into a beautiful 78 degree day with birds, and a light breeze, and a refreshing afternoon shower or midnight thunderstorm, that reminds me of Florida.

Then, down again, when the KIDS JUST DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LEARN ANYTHING! They don't care, they never, never, never stop talking. Now, I repeat, repeat, repeat myself. I feel like I have almost busted my spleen from speaking so loudly in class...my tummy aches because I have to use such big attentive statements for the whole class to hear me....and then...

China is up again, because you can act like a complete fool in front of 60 students and IT WORKS! They love you. They love you and THEY LEARN. They want to learn. You've got them hooked...then....

China is down again because you can be intensely, INTENSELY LONELY...and then its...

Back up, because random neighbors will buy your dinner and take you fishing or feed you for free 3 nights in a row....and then

It is back down, because it takes a long time to get anywhere in this city....but then it's...

Back up, because you get there, and there is always something new....then it can

Pull you down because your liaison or school administration just doesn't really care about you, or the fact that you are 10,000 miles away from your home, or that you actually have a soul....then you can

Be uplifted at the fact that maybe you have made an impact and then you can be...

Disappointed at the fact that maybe no one cares when you leave...but you can

Always have faith that you have been blessed to walk here, in these crowded, dirty streets, and experience a cataclysm of emotion and feel...feel like you are free and living your life.

Up Next...

2009-04-12T05:26:00.000-07:00

Who can blame the artist for trying to live his life in that dark room. Full of nothing but a love for his work. He paints and sculpts and scribbles his words on paper for the world to know.

The artist could be anyone. After all, we are all artists of our lives. We gauge and craft and slide our fingers over the molding clay of our destinies. We laugh and cry and what a beautiful thing either of them can be, because it means we are alive and feeling, really feeling life around us.

Our only choice is to stop or rise up and keep going. Not everyone's feelings are mutual and not everyone's playing fields are the same. I am reminded of the beauty of this when my friend and our are fishing on the outskirts of Changsha. He, in his mid-40's, 5'7", typical sculpt of a middle-aged Chinese man. Teeth slightly blackened, but skin smooth, unwrinkled and seemingly timeless. As if, he might look that way 20 years from now.

He sings a song (in English) about love and I am reminded that even though I do not know him well, he is singing to the world. Putting his heart on display. Making a choice to live in the moment, because that is all that exists. Expressing himself in a way that has been done for generations in China.

Much like the American slave, the Chinese sing, and sing, and sing. For people so timid in the English classroom, constantly speaking while looking down, covering their mouths for fear of retribution, shuttling pass you as if not to disturb. They break into song out of a way to express their innermost feelings. It is another language, scripted on the wind of the world, and most people do not notice.

To live in China, is to experience both the past and the present. The best and the worst. It is exceedingly calm and ultra-climactic. It is the future, the now and the then. It is everything you want for mankind, and everything you hope will never become status quo. It is children saying "hello...bye bye", wrapped in layers of wool clothing. It is grandmas throwing sewage on plants cultivated into impossible gardens that seem to be sprouting everywhere there is a patch of land. It is electric saws and cranes and dust, and men in business suits digging ditches at 3am in the morning. It is lonely and it is despair. It is bliss and it is happiness. It is a good life. It is a choice to see it that way.

As I come to the end of my first year as a WorldTeach volunteer, I feel a tremendous deal of remorse. I feel ashamed that I could not become a better speaker of the language or do more for the temporary community where I called home. However, I am reminded that I am just a part of something bigger. I am not the solution. I do not have the solution. I only have the education to share. The perspective. It is up to them to create, sustain and build. To take what I have offered, and make it their own.

I am only now getting my feet wet. I am only now beginning to see patterns in the language and understanding the differences in dialect. Only now do I see the impact that people have had on me. I begin to wonder, if it is okay to be uncertain about things, like my future. How everything now seems so foolish. How back home, people are clamoring for money and 401k's and stocks and homes that are exceedingly too big for their needs and SUV's that kill our planet and drugs that run our streets. How complacency has killed a middle class. How CEO's have robbed our banks and how a former Vice President raped our treasury.

How back home, my country is ran by graduates of Harvard and Yale Law and PR spinsters that sell presidents like Pepsi. How we have so many problems related to the American definition of "success" that our young people begin killing themselves before they even know it. How, back there, we have influenced a whole world with people like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Kobe Bryant, and that these are only role models in the sense that they are accomplished in their passions, but not because of their money, fame or bodies.

I am scared that China is becoming too capitalist, because I see it in the faces of the students. Dead tired at 5pm, after a long day of class...constant memorization....constant drilling. All I want is for them to feel some sense of release in my class. To let their minds think freely, to break the trend.

I see it in their parents. Who now, in their new houses and better lives, feel the stresses of the modern world. Paying mortgages, car payments, investing, etc.

Why are the poorest people of the world, always the happiest? I've seen it the Dominican Republic, Cambodia and now China. Maybe it is because they are free from the constraint of modernization. No, maybe it is because of community. That, I think is the answer.

We are a communal animal. We long for touch and response, for love and adoration. We strive to be accepted, and learn to accept others. We value tolerance and diversity and individual choice, but we cannot do this alone.

We all have a choice in this world. To live with purpose or live without. It has taken China to awaken this in me. It has allowed me to question and solve, to become confused and mesmerized. It has allowed me to grow. I think that is all that you can ever hope for. If you are constantly learning, something good will happen.

200 days and counting

2009-03-08T05:22:00.000-07:00

7 months. I have been in China for 7 months.

Time is as confused as ever.

Some days it goes by so fast, that I am actually scared. Time has never went by so fast for me, for these reasons. That is, I am relating to time much differently here. It is very hard to explain and though the reader probably thinks I am losing my mind (which I very well could be), it is just a matter of living in a place that is so unpredictable. At least I hope that China is the reason that I cannot seem to understand how my days can fly by, yet come to a standstill, seemingly at the same time. Make sense?

When we are happy, the time flies. True. When we are unhappy, the time stagnates. True. Here, whether happy, sad or clueless, the time seems to move at a sputtering pace, slow, fast, slow, fast, stagnate, everything in between. How can it be that I can feel so lonely, but the time fly by? How can it be that I can be occupied and the time stagnate? Why is that?

This post makes no sense.

I have taken on a second career as an English tutor. I am currently tutoring two more students. One on Sunday afternoons, one on Friday nights. Yeah, I know, a big deal on a Friday night, right? I am trying to work on getting 8 more students to tutor. I want to stay occupied and need the money.

I havent been to the gym in weeks, though yesterday, I played basketball for about 2 hours. I am truly an amazing basketball player in China. I mean, amazing. I think I may go pro here. Haha. Where else could I dominate the low post at 5'11"?

The weather here matches the time and my feelings. It is cold, dark and occasionally, surprisingly pleasant. I went without showering 5 days last week because it is just too damn cold to move from my room (the only warm place in the apartment) to the bathroom and stand under a trickle of hot water for 10 minutes.

A Contortionist's Will

2009-02-14T22:54:00.001-08:00

Junior class, #85, is a raucous crowd of 35 students. Half boys, half girls. Clad in Yali's red, white and blue, athletic-like school uniforms. This number varies between 27-35 students, depending on the day, which boys decide to skip class to play basketball, which students wander in 5-10 minutes late and which students leave the the other foreign teacher's oral English class to join mine.

The latter statement is by no means a way of saying that I am a good English teacher. Class #85, like all classes, has approximately 60-65 students, but since they are an "advanced" class (meaning the students in that class tested higher on their Chinese, Math and Science admissions tests...not English) they are afforded the opportunity to take oral English classes in a smaller setting.

The class is divided up. 35 students go to my section, 35 go to another foreign teacher's section, twice a week. Some days, students decide that they want to switch teachers. They have left the other foreign teacher's class because she is, in their words, "too mean", "gets too angry" or "is ugly". I noticed this population spurt one day when my class had a several unfamiliar faces in it.

Adjective-diversity aside, with the lack of oversight and a communication barrier, there is really no way of preventing this floundering in and out of the classroom. Threats of telling their head teacher only work so much. Sure, you can give them a bad grade, but since grades are basically meaningless (everything revolves around the tests they take after the end of the Junior 3 and Senior 3 years) that does little good. I am not even sure if the students, though it has been explained to them numerous times, understand the difference between and "A" and an "F", except that one is "hao" (good) and one is "bu hao" (not good).

This class exemplifies everything that is wrong with the Chinese education system. While that blatant charge is very subjective, I can tell you that there are some students that can speak better English, but because their test scores in Math, Chinese and Science were lower than their classmates on their admissions test, they do not go to the advanced class. They stay in their classes for three years, until the next admissions test, at which point, if they test well enough, they can continue at Yali. Otherwise, it is back to the school shopping block. Are you confused yet?

Back to class #85. Who could suspect that with names such as "Freeze", "Mirage", "God", "Answer", and "Fred-Almighty", there would be any sort of discipline problems with these students? The fact is, Chinese students see oral English classes as a time to goof off. Who can blame them? With their schedule, I would want to clown around with my friends too.

Last Thursday though, freshly annointed into a new semester of teaching, Class #85 had me sulking in anger. With chairs arranged in a "speed dating" style, to encourage conversing for an activity I had planned, the students immediately went to work in dismantling the set-up to group the chairs together with their friends. Big deal, right? Imagine, if this happened 7 times in one week. In America, most students would realize that, "oh, there is a pattern to this set-up, we probably should not rearrange the chairs." Not here.

A group of 14 year-old girls, habitually late, saunter in with a West Beverly High attitude and fake Adidas and Nike bags slung over their shoulders (on another note: Trademark infringement is the lay of the land in China, which is great if you like a good, cheap knock-off, but awful if you actually care about having your intellectual property protected). The girls gab and laugh, completely unaware to the feelings of the teacher at the front of the class, eyes closed and breathing deeply and just waiting for what could be minutes for the vocal level to die down. This happens in every class. 18 times a week. Numerous times over the 45 minute stretch of each.

The common-sense standards of Chinese people are light-years away (not in an evolutionary-advanced, "I am an arrogant American" sort of way), but in a way that says their concept of the matter is just different. Different rules apply here. Coupled with the spacial relationships that the Chinese have with their environment, it can be a recipe for high blood pressure for any teacher, any public bus passenger and any escalator rider.

Which brings me to the title of this essay. Contortionist's will. It pays to be flexible in China. Buses run late, early, sometimes not at all and always at the whim of the driver. A strange contradiction when they could be fresh off the assembly line with heating, AC and flat screen tvs.

Schedules change, with great notice, little notice or no notice. Usually I get word through the form of a text from my liaison. More often, through my own investigating with the students. Founding out when finals, holidays, summer vacation begins, is like trying to predict an earthquake. Ball-parked, is the best you can hope for. My Chinese colleagues, do not flinch at this. I still, STILL have trouble not believing that the school cannot know when the last day of classes will be. I hate that I have that feeling.

The trouble my students cause me in class has lead me to drop expletives and slam down books. I've walked out, kicked students out, made them do push-ups and lost my temper. I get better at handling it each day. It pays to laugh, it pays to not take it seriously, it pays to keep them occupied, it pays to know Chinese (which at the very least will get you a welcome round of applause). It DEFINITELY pays to be prepared.

For now, even though my internal monologue is a constant barrage of, "are you kidding me?", "how can you not understand what I am trying to tell you?", I passively wait, close my eyes and wait until one of the better students can encourage the others to be quiet.

In high school, I am fairly certain that I was partially to blame for two Spanish teachers leaving their jobs. My angst caused that, and I think it is all coming back to haunt me now. Proof that karma does exist.

I often wonder how this new found tolerance will affect me in America. Will I be ambivalent to minor distractions? Will other peoples inability to cope with them set me off or anger me? Yes, it will, it already has, as I have observed in my travel encounters with other Westerner's. I mean, when I spend my time slurping down street-fried noodles with chopsticks while walking into on-coming traffic, how can I be upset when the waiter brings me the wrong dish.

It's just China. It has no explanation. It is a land of contradictions and confusion. My words cannot do it justice. There are highs, that are really high, and the lows that are really low.

It's all like Class #85. Confused, comical, chaotic, splendid, tiresome, delightful. The only thing it never is, is boring.

On the Bus....

2009-02-12T21:59:00.000-08:00

Changsha city bus # 135 churns away from the school's entrance at a battleship-like angle, crossing four lanes of traffic to get to the other side, and dodging cars and pedestrians that cram the street at the bottom of the school as class gets out each day.

The bus is somewhat retro. Aluminum and wood floors, stained with the stamping of thousands of feet, not to mention what else. The driver puffs on a cigarette and wheels around as I peer out one of the aisle windows.

We are headed to the train station, a transit point on this route, where I will switch to another bus to take me into downtown Changsha. The sun has set and the street is full of life. Today is the Lantern Festival, the last day of Chinese New Year. I am headed to Martyr's Park to watch fireworks and take part in the festivities.

The bus continues, it's herky-jerky movements, answer my question as to why so many Chinese have motion sickness. After a month away from the bus system, I myself, for the first time, am feeling queezy. A mixture of the driving and the impurities I am inhaling as we coast down the road.

Headlights illuminate the smog that drifts from the street floor up to the sky. There are no stars visible, as is the case on most nights in Changsha. The city is plagued with development and chaos, and is blanketed with a thermal gray of toxin. A month away has also exposed me to much needed blue sky and fresher air, and my body is slowly readjusting to the pollution.

There is nothing special about this ride. The continual stare. A woman in front of me shouts at a man behind her, who I deduce to be her boyfriend or friend, in a manner that is not anger, but much louder than you think would be necessary for two people only inches apart. Her child gets on the bus and sits on her lap. He stares at me. I make a goofy face back at him which elicits no response. This is what I do most of the time I get a stare from a child. The occasional peek-a-boo may work, but mostly they just smile back or if they are too small, look away nervously and then resume their staring moments later. You learn to let it all go. When an adult stares, I usually try to strike up a conversation, or at least say "Ni Hao" (hello), which catches them so off guard that they look away. It is all very comical to me now.

I trade buses and head to the park. It is a sea of people. I check my backpack numerous times to make sure everything is accounted for and all the zippers zipped before heading in. Bright, electronic lanterns are strewn over the main promenade of the park, an homage, albeit a less exotic one, to yesteryear. A time in which the lanterns were of paper, wood and candle.

Like most crowds in China, there is not much you can do but just go with the flow. Here in this one park, in this one city that no one outside China knows, on this one day in China, there has to be more people than crowd Times Square on any-given New Year's Eve. This is the scene in cities and towns all over China. Most people just really do not fathom this. There is so many people here.

The lakes of the park are alive with rowboats, and small ferry rides, paddle boats and people lighting paper lanterns and setting them to fly into the sky. There is no structure to the fireworking of this holiday, and explosions come from all angels and from all around. People are celebrating. Chinese style.

I spend about 45 minutes walking around the park before I get a craving for some noodles from a local Muslim restaurant. The noodles are thick and spicy and Changsha does not have much cuisine from other provinces. I indulge and buy two bowls to go, not knowing when I will be in the neighborhood again.

Then it is back on the bus, to continue the (at least) 45 minute commute back to our school. This time, the ride takes much longer. The bus is packed and traffic is bad. I stand up, backpack on, two bags of hot noodles in my hand and hold on to one of the handles. Eventually, I find a seat, sit down and resume the staring contest with another child.

Just another typical day on a bus, nothing special. These trips always make me feel like I am learning so much, just an observer, just watching the world take it's course.

Crossing Over-Old Post

2009-01-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

I am now in my third country of my trip. After 3 and a half days in Bangkok and 11 days in Cambodia, I arrived in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam yesterday morning. Most people know HCMC as Saigon, and the name itself brings to mind allusions and images of the Vietnam War, or as it is known her, the American War.

What I have found, thus far, on this enriching historic and educational journey, is the far reaching impact and implications of America's history. How our imperialistic tendencies and corporate greed have shaped economic and foreign policy since WWII.

This is not to say, that America is the only country with blood on their hands, but I can truthfully say, that I had NO IDEA, the ground-level effects of America on the rest of the world. Sure, we all see McDonalds and Wal Mart in foreign countries, but there is such a deeper and more profound impact that our nation has had on shaping the destiny of the world.

Cambodia

2009-01-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

Cambodia will always have a special place in my heart. No more of a cliche statement could be made apart from that. Cambodia to me is a place of rich history, pain, enchantment, mysticism, corruption and smiles.

I have been here for 9 days, and spent the majority of that time in Phnom Penh. A city I did not intend to stay in for that long, but one in which I found a significant part I could play, albeit a short one, by helping the children of the People Improvement Organization in the Stoeng Mean Chey garbage dump.

PIO helps over 200 students in Phnom Penh. All are poor, some are orphaned. In the class I am volunteering with, their ages range from 10-18. They are boys and girls that do not look their age. Poor nutrition has stunted their growth, like many Cambodian children, to the point where one 15 year old boy in my class could easily pass for 8.

They run up to me the moment I step out of the tuk tuk. They take me by the hand. They hug me when I leave. Perhaps they are so starved for some sort of love, some fatherly figure, that they clutch to whatever foreigner comes into their midst.

They track barefoot over broken glass, sheep dung, hypodermic needles and viles of blood. They do this, all the while smiling and playing, making make-shift kites out of notebook paper and yarn, dancing about amongst garbage pickers and truck drivers.

Here, they are getting a shot at a better future. One that their country and their government cannot provide. They face exploitation, from yes, foreign hands, and I find the tourists that drive by their school to photograph their faces, unknowingly using them as if they are a circus side-show.

Something has happened to me, even before I got to this school. Something about the people of Cambodia and their ways. Something about the immense suffering they have witnessed and that has shaped a dim future. Working with these students only furthers my belief, that even though it is idealistic and hopeful, I believe I can change the world. Even though I know it cannot be done by one person, namely someone like me, whose name does not end in Jolie or Pitt, or whose company does not do 60 billion in sales, I still feel the same way. That I can make that difference. That I can lead them to something better.

Cambodia is reaffirmed that this is the work I was meant to do. Maybe it is because of my upbringing that I can easily relate to these children, maybe that is the reason I am skeptical of the rich and the privileged, namely Westerners who exploit and complain at the drop of the hat. Maybe it is just my simple belief that one person can make a difference, and that there is no better time to start than now.

Siem Reap-Angkor

2009-01-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

January 2-4, 2009

On the morning of January 2nd, I took a stifling 6 hour bus ride to Siem Reap. A sleepy, little tourist trap 6 hours to the Northeast of Phnom Penh. Siem Reap is quaint and much quieter than Phnom Penh. If you find your self in this town, it is for one reason. To visit the Angkor Archeological Park.

The park is better known as just Angkor Wat. The latter being the most famous of the park's temples. It is easily one of the most impressive man-made wonders of the ancient world and epitomizes the strength and solidarity of the once powerful Khmer empire, situated where most of modern-day Cambodia is.

The park itself is massive, and we spent a tiring full day on the 3rd, using a tuk-tuk to transverse the kilometers between monuments. The sunrise at Angkor Wat was not the most impressive part of the day. That would have to come at being able to climb on most of the monuments, past relics of Hinduism and Buddhism, past stone thousands of years old, the transfixing faces of Bayon and seeing the massive trees that cover Ta Prhom. As always, passing the international onslaught of fellow travelers, is an unavoidable task.

Angkor Wat is a must-see. I feel so blessed to have seen the Coliseum in Rome, Pompeii's ancient city ruins, the Great Wall and now Angkor.

This was a fleeting visit to Siem Reap. 2 nights with really a sunset and a full day at the park. On the 4th it was off to Phnom Penh again, where we arrived around 6pm. Even complete with a flat tire on the bus ride, and another sticky bus seat, I was able to get some sleep and continue reading my latest book. The ride also gives you a good glimpse into the life of rural Cambodia, where people's villages flank the road sides, and irrigation ponds dot the landscape. Once look at this country and you would think it was Africa.

In all places, I bought a Happy Meal (though from a Cambodian fast food chain) back in Phnom Penh. Then it was a night of rest and relaxation. A 5 dollar, one hour foot massage was just the nightcap I needed.

New Years in Phnom Penh

2009-01-05T05:20:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2008/January 1, 2009

Ask most people what they expect from Phnom Penh, the capitol of Cambodia, and they would probably admit that they have never heard of it. However, this deeply historic city has seen its turn of the good and the bad. From the Khmer Rouge, to the French, to the Vietnamese. Phnom Penh is ensconced in Frenchness, with baguettes on the street and the architecture to match. It is also surrounded by reminders, mainly through the citizens that lived through it, of the terrible reign of the Khmer Rouge and the uncertainty thereafter their downfall.

The city is riddled with motobike taxis and tuk tuks, beckoning for your service. The food, diverse as it is plentiful, marks a welcome change to the street food of Bangkok, though you pay much more for it. Guesthouses are cheap, at 3-6 dollars a night.

I spent New Year's Eve in Phnom Penh. After a $2 haircut and some beers with a street vendor, it was just a matter of following the crowd. Dancing in a club full of lights and the smiles of foreiners and locals.

The next day, however, was much darker, with trips to the Killing Fields and Tulong Sleng, a former Khmer Rouge prison. Just how this culture, this society, has survived an onlslaught of foreign invaders, a genocide unmatched in paranoia and terror (and international silence and knowledge) and a generally economically poor people, is puzzling.

The only thing that goes farther down the road of wonderment, is the enchantment of the Khmer smile, which lights the faces of Cambodia as bright as the blazing sun.

Spring Festival-Part One

2009-01-03T01:05:00.000-08:00

Each year, the Chinese hold Spring Festival. In schools, this is also known as Winter Break and it coincides with the Chinese New Year. This year, the Chinese New Year is on January 25. This is all based on the Lunar calendar. My school has given me from December 25-February 8 off for winter break. So, what to do with that time? Backpack across Southeast Asia of course. Here are some of the highlights so far. I will be trying to post some pictures in the near future.

December 25, 2008
Christmas was very chill. I spent it finishing up scholarship applications, getting foreign currency (i.e. USD) and getting ready to leave. That night I hung out with some friends and had dinner.

December 26, 2008
Packed and left Changsha on the 10:40pm overnight train to Shenzhen. Shenzhen is on the border of Hong Kong and is the gateway to the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region.

December 27, 2008
When we got in (I am with my friend Stephanie), we hopped on a random bus to take us around Shenzhen. We had all day to kill because we were flying out of Shenzhen that night (to Bangkok). We spent the day chilling in some restaurants, taking a nap or two in a park and then just sitting at the airport.

However, what I learned of Shenzhen is that it is the ultra of modern Chinese cities. Rich, rich, rich. It was the first city to really be allowed to experiment with capitalism and the effects, from the numerous glossy skyscrapers, to the overpriced taxis are everywhere. Unfortanately, Shenzhen leaves little for the traveller and is really just a transit point, albeit a very large one.

The highlight of the Shenzhen stay had to be the trouble I had getting past Chinese customs. Long story short, my passport picture is very unflattering and I had to show two other forms of ID for the clerk to believe me. In addition, a Swiss Army knife and multi-tool I had forgeton in my pack (which I was carrying on) got confiscated when I tried totake them on board. Embarrassing? Yes.

Not the start I wanted but I made it to the flight.

Overall Grade for Shenzhen: D

December 28, 2008-December 31, 2008
We arrived in Bangkok at about 3am in the morning, took a cab to our hostel and just chilled until the next morning. Now there are many stories that people can tell about Bangkok. How it is dirty, how you can find whatever you want there, how it is really stinky, how it has great food.

ALL of it is true.

Dirty-Moreso in the ethical sense. I thought that Bangkok was a great city for the first day, but after the second day, I began to get really creeped out by the abundance of transient expats and sexpats calling the city home. It has a real sleazy feeling to it and some of the stuff I saw in Bangkok I cannot repeat on here :).

Overall, my time in Bangkok was spent walking, visiting a Wat (Bhuddist temple), taking a river taxi, visiting a night market (complete with donuts and shakes), strolling around the multitude of vendors outside of the Grand Palace and tasting some excellent street food.

The best part about Bangkok for a short stay, has to be the night life. I did ingulge in checking out Bangkok's gay club scene which is expansive and attractive.

There were many little adventures in my 84 hours in Bangkok. A few include the tuk-tuk rides around town. They are simply a must for anyone that travels in SE Asia. In fact, you will not be able to not use the tuk-tuk, which is a motorcylce converted into a taxi for 1-4 people. Just be aware that some of the tuk tuk drivers like to drink soooo.....cheers!

On New Year's Eve, Christina another volunteer met up with us, and we flew to Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Overall Grade for Bangkok: A-

Big points for food, nightlife, culture and general feel of the city. Points off for sleeziness that transpires from tourist based economy and uptight and rude locals who overcharge for imported t-shirts from Africa. If you are planning a trip to Bangkok, just remember what the song says:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me

Where Are You Now?

2008-12-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

December 21, 2008

One of the reasons I started this blog is for the reflective qualities it will hold as I read over it from time to time.

As I sit here, nearing the middle of my service, it is hard to accurately describe emotions. The latter, proves to be a daunting task, as I am not accustom to broadcasting my feelings over the Internet. Regardless, what I have found is that my emotions have ran the whole gauntlet here. Happiness, sadness, loneliness, elation, excitement, hesitation, apprehension, jubilation, satisfaction, contentment. I have felt them all. Even more strange, is that I have felt them all in short amounts of time. In phases and even during the same day. In the most exceptional cases, I have felt contrasting emotions within a matter of seconds.

One may not feel that this is too much different than how we feel in our comfort zone. However, I believe that going from the satisfaction of hearing your favorite song on the radio cruising down the freeway, to the anger you get when someone cuts you off moments later, has little comparison to this experience.

Since I have been here, I have had varying degrees of interest. I have also had varying levels of culture shock. What I know for sure, is that culture shock is a continuous mechanism. It presents itself everyday. For the most part, I believe that the longer you stay in a foreign place, the more subtle it becomes. Comparatively, the easier it is to cope with. On the other hand, while big shock factors immediately hit you and fade away, other things stay with you, stick to you. Also, you begin to unearth other differences that were once hidden.

For me, right now, at this moment, the biggest feeling of cultural difference has to do with the fact that I am in an uninterested state in my Chinese language learning. I went from an adamant and peak period, to one in which I have devoted little time over the past three weeks and have regrettably (but maybe necessarily) relied just on English. Of course, I have also been applying for scholarships and planning Spring Festival. In addition, the dreariness of not being at home for Christmas has also set in. That alone is a major deterrent from wanting to engage in the very thing that is preventing you from being back in your comfort zone.

Overall, in regards to language acquisition, I may have been to overzealous or had the wrong expectations. I could just be burnt out. Though I plan to keep up with the language by studying it over Spring Festival as much as possible, I also know that desensitizing from China is probably a good thing.

Living in China is not easy. It is the little things that I took for granted in America, that now lead me to dwell in a state of non-positivity from time to time. Little things that build up and fill your life. Like always having water on your bathroom floor, having to wear long underwear 24/7, having to get up or stay up to odd hours to communicate with people back home, avoiding slippery noodles on your classroom floor, non-stop noise and chaos in the classroom, etc.

I know, the reader is thinking, "that isn't so bad." But please, save the criticism. You don't know unless you have dealt with it. These little things can add up and really eat away at you. Which is precisely an example of how emotions can change in this setting. A month ago, I would have never written that sentence because those things didn't bother me. I enjoyed them. I liked the difference. I was fully acclimated into it. It was the norm. Today, maybe they do bother me. Three months ago, I was thriving on the chaotic structure of China. Today, I just want something to work without hesitation or having to tamper with it for 15 minutes.

Of course, I am humble and have it better than most. I know this. This is just observational. However, there are days when I long for the functionality and efficiency of America. Days in which I know that if I go someplace to get something, they will have it. Days in which I know that if something says it will start at a set time, it will start at that time. Days in which websites won't be blocked or communication interrupted. Ease is what I covet. That is what I feel right now. That is what I crave. That explains why I have not been on-par with my studying. It isn't easy to study Chinese. To motivate yourself to do it. A month ago was no problem, now it is. Peaks and valleys.

This experience is all about peaks and valleys. The reader most likely gets a lopsided viewpoint from my blog, because I tend to write only at times when I feel inspired, which coincidentally coincide with times I feel really good, really motivated or really angry. The low times, the valleys, make me persist with little enthusiasm for writing. Overall, there hasn't been more valleys than hills or vice-versa. If anything, they have been consistent in their sporadic rhythm. Up, down, up, up, way up, down a little, up, way down, way up, down. But, I am never stagnate. Never, just feeling nothing. It may be impossible to feel nothing here. There is so much going on. So much happening. Your mind is always alert and your senses always acute. So much so, that your emotions feel tangled and confused, as your mind searches for normalcy in an unfamiliar place.

All This is China

2008-12-19T07:10:00.001-08:00

The girl across the aisle sits next to her friend, sucking on a lollipop. They are around 15, and headed home after being at school for 12 hours. The men on the bus wait patiently, while the women gab and discuss their day. The driver, flips through a newspaper as the bus fills to a level that will suit his decision to drive off.

Outside, the air is thick. Smog and dust, clutter the senses and make an even darker December night more black. Neon flashes from the restaurant across the street, and moto-taxis whistle by, amidst the occasional dump truck and mini-van. Everything about this scene is China.

I'm sitting in field full of harvested rice. An older woman approaches carrying stacks of wood. She sees me, keeps singing, and then hustles at a surprisingly quick pace, as two cows and their young calf round the bend. She drops the wood, breaks off a switch, and steers the hungry omnivores around the path. One which they know well by memory, and one which has been tread by cattle for decades before them.

Behind me, dogs bark at a tiny village. A few teenagers ride by on bikes on a road that sees little traffic. Maybe a tourist bus, every now and then. The sky is calm. The sun is out. The woman is met by her husband and they retire for the day. The rice, the woman, the bikes, the air. Everything about this scene is China.

I'm in a room full of Chinese teachers from the school's English department. They stand up, randomly taking turns toasting each other, us, and other distinguished guests. Quietly, waitresses tend to the four tables, placing food of every color, shape and taste in front of us. There is no shortage on quantity.

The men, traverse the room, cheers-ing as they go about. It doesn't matter that I have not met them, we drink til the glass is empty, and then place it down. The laughter is loud, the camaraderie boisterously overflows. The food and the music and the festivities continue, unabated, for about two hours. I get a sense of being in Ancient Rome. Consumption, spirits, celebrating the evening away. No worries to be had. Only the now, and only graciousness exists. Everything about this scene. The hospitality, the noise, the ease with which the Chinese laugh. Everything about this scene is China.

Conflict Styles on an International Level

2008-12-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

December 8, 2008

I dedicate this post to the women, men and youth of the Community Mediation Center of Southeastern Virginia, for whom I miss, am thankful for, and who taught me so much.

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, but let other things get in the way. All, I can say is, I am so glad that I received the training in conflict resolution that I did as an AmeriCorps volunteer. It has proved and will continue to prove, invaluable during this experience.

Conflict is a part of everyone's life. From the ant to the ambassador, conflict exists. I believe conflict exists to teach us that their are options, and that reason can occur if we want it to. I have found that in China, not only have I witnessed conflict, experienced it and evaluated it continually, but I have used my methods for dealing with conflict (techniques I refer to as "the secret" because so few people actually know them) nearly every day, and much more than I did use back home. They are my secret weapon.

When do I use these coping methods? When I deal with other volunteers, students, my liaison, colleagues. During the times when I am the canvas for people to paint their problems and worries on, I use them. To be able to paraphrase and use reflective listening has benefited me to the nth degree. Without fail, I leave conversations feeling that I was in control of the conversation, I did not let it provoke me, lure me or trap me into an emotional fist fight.

In my own life, juggling a partnership with someone in California, I have used these techniques and have noticed how vastly superior they are to the alternatives: silent treatment or argument.

It is not easy having the conflict style I have, a collaborative competitor. Basically, what that translates to is that, "I would love to work with you, as long as I get my way." Nonetheless, what is the most important thing of all, is actually knowing that that is how I am. I have seen in China, just how big of a collaborator I am. How it has gotten me into trouble by trying to do too many things, with too many people. Say, plan a lesson or activity with another teacher, or, (OH MY GOD!) how it has wasted my time.

It has taken me a while to come up with a communication strategy to this, but after a behavioral assessment, I have learned that to be assertive, above all else, will never fail. Communication is the key. Scratch that, ASSERTIVE communication is the key. It may leave you feeling funny at first, "Am I being mean?," you may ask yourself, but it is the key. Obviously, there are times, when it pays to not be assertive. However, in the end, you can walk away with a clear conscience, and that is so much more rewarding than sacrificing your principles or priorities for other people.

Overflow

2008-12-08T05:27:00.000-08:00

December 8, 2008

There I am, standing on the bus. Backpack on, heavy winter coat in one hand, gym bag in the other. The weather outside is pleasant and warm, though I know that in a few hours, the mercury will fall. Hence, the coat.

Passengers jostle and gossip as the bus churns around Changsha's busy streets. Screeching to a halt at one stop, dangerously close to the bus in front, a group of young girls next to me explode into laughter. All this angers me. Not just the driver's apparent lack of depth perception, but the way that these things are just accepted as "the norm". This cultural difference, teaches me one thing: The Chinese have adapted different ways of dealing with the stresses of daily life. They laugh.

Each dilemma that could increase blood pressure or stop their heart, is met with a chuckle. Fits of temper and road rage are not the norm, they are the exception. For the most part, laughter has replaced anger. This defense must have been nurtured due to the fact that there is no way around the business, inefficiency and dysfunction of daily life here.

I take a seat, turn on my Ipod, and watch the world go by. On my way to the train station (where I will transfer to another bus to get to my friend's apartment), I have two thoughts:

One, this ride, is like so many I have had. Alone, full of my thoughts, watching the streets, worrying about my Chinese ability, suspiciously content. I hurriedly try to maximize time, scribbling notes, texting contacts, making a "to-do" list. I must be such an enigma to the old man next to me, as I peel a banana and drop the skin out the window during one of our stops. It isn't as if the latter is shocking. It is just that I look so rushed compared to him. With all that is going on in my life, I have little time to waste, and so I must use every amount of time I have, whether on the bus or waiting for one, on trying to improve one facet of myself, or juggle my relationship and career on two continents. I have found no way around it. It is just the way it is.

At the train station, I approach a driver of a bus I am unfamiliar with. "Xiaoyaun gongyuan, dao bu dao?" I ask, wondering if the bus stops where I need to go. I am met with the recyclable answer: "Ting bu dong" or "I don't understand you" and a laugh. How can this be? Even when I say the words correctly, my accent and pronunciation are so far off that they cannot understand me. Only with students or those that speak English themselves, is my pronunciation less suspect.

On the next bus, a seat next to the window. "Waiguoren (foreigner)" I hear, a girl in the back yell to her friend in the front. Both glance at me and exchange laughs and what figure to be jokes at my expense. In most cases, I would have spoken up, telling them, "Ni bu shou Waiguoren. Waiguoren bu hao. Wo shi Meiguoren (Don't say 'foreigner'. 'Foreigner' is not good. I am American."). If anything, this lets them know that just because I am not Chinese, it does not mean I cannot understand at least some words they say in their native tongue.

This continual cultural difference has been hard for me to get over. To put it in context, could you imagine an American constantly shouting a similar epithet each time they saw someone who "did not fit the norm". "Look honey, look at that German tourist!" Actually, "yes", many of us can, but at the very least the vast majority of Americans would not call out a tourist every time they see one. I realize that Changsha, and indeed many people and parts of China are still opening up to the rest of the world, but I cannot shake the feeling of being called, what I perceive to be, such a negative term.

The second thing this bus ride has made me realize is just out of place my emotions, professional capability and communication have been this whole year. At times, to say I have been on an emotional roller-coaster would not even do it justice. Other times, I am completely content. It is a tidal phenomenon. Currently, I am experiencing devotion and ambition towards my career. Whereas, just a few weeks ago, all I could think about was making Chinese friends.

In terms of professional connections, I have found that because their is a lack of cohesiveness with the school (I feel that I am a novelty, not a staff member), I often feel isolated, and left out of "the know". Some of this is due to the fact, that things work differently here, but though I am improving relationships with Chinese colleagues, I regret not having put more emphasis on it in the beginning.

Communication-wise, I often find myself speaking in a dumb-downed version of English to Chinese acquaintances. For example, instead of saying "vast", I would say "really, really big". I do this for their benefit, but is has had detrimental effects on my ability to sound eloquent when I speak to others. I have also noticed, that in hindsight, many of the battles I have had here, have not been with my school, locals or Chinese students, but Americans.

In fact, I can trace some of the most stressful situations here to acts by Americans, namely other volunteers. It is difficult to work at a school with other foreign teachers for this very reason. I realize now, that I should not waste time on collaboration with the other foreign teachers at my school (see the next blog about conflict style) and should have instead been more assertive with my communication from the beginning. All of this could seem irrelevant or boring, and it is hard to convey in words.

The bottom line here is this: Some Americans have the ability to turn anything into an ugly situation when they are out of their comfort zone. It is not their fault, it is just that because we have been born and raised in the epitome of functionality and efficiency, we come to expect things. Customer service related things, business related aspects, consumer related aspects, the list could go on. I, personally feel that I am able to cut through that, not "expect" anything and just go with what comes my way. However, others cannot and when you work with them, it can prove to be a very bumpy ride.

It is also difficult being an older volunteer. At 28, I have little interest in what 22, 23 and 24 year olds want from this experience. I know what I want, that is all that matters. For anyone thinking of doing a volunteer project abroad, you should really consider what it will be like for you with other Americans around. For me, I have found that I have spent (hopefully not wasted) a lot of energy and thought on what other volunteers do with their time. I have traced this to my curiosity in human relations and social interaction. In the end, I believe that that part of the experience will prove to be just as beneficial. That is, understanding how many Americans function on the international scene. However, all I can say is, for those volunteers wasting time in Americanized stores, coffee shops, with other volunteers and with other expats, have fun. I did not want that experience, and I have not had it for the most part. I have chosen to distance myself from that, though it comes at a price. People tend to see you as abrasive, but I know what I want and that is what matters.

Speaking of what I want, it is this: To learn as much of the Chinese language as possible; to make Chinese friends, people that I will stay in contact with after I leave; to travel throughout the country and see an diverse mix of city, rural, poor, rich and ethnic life. For the most part, I am keeping on that track.

So, today has been very productive for me. Full of the usual. I am comfortable with where I am at, and I am more motivated than ever to get where I want to be. I feel that I am for the first time here, becoming my own person, whereas for the past four months, I have juggled so much, experienced so much and been tested so much. See, there goes that lack of eloquence again.

The Demon Barber of Shaoshan Nan Lu

2008-12-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

December 6, 2008

It was all planned out. An hour at the gym, then off to get a massage. But, as I stood there, scoping my grizzly beard in the mirror, I felt a need. A need to get it shaved off. So, I forewent the massage and stopped off at the salon.

An hour and a half later, I would walk out, with half a mustache and (thankfully) my lips and ears still intact. Getting a shave in China, not the best idea. It takes a lot of nerve to go under the razor, especially when a salon full of gossipy Changshanese are gawking and laughing at the ridiculous possibilities that could transpire, should the young barber have a sudden twitch.

No harm done. The rest of the night, and partly the reason I am in so early, was spent with a co-worker at a local diner.

3rd Time is Definitely Not the Charm

2008-12-03T07:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, marked the third time in as many weeks, that I have gotten some version of food poisoning. At least, I am hoping it is only that.

The first culprit: an overindulgence of steamed and fried dumplings topped off with Oreos. Ewwwwww. I guess that means I will not crave the latter anymore. On top of it, my friend got his bag stolen at the restaurant we were eating at that night. Insult to injury or vice versa.

Scenario Two: Grilled spicy potato wedges in Fenghuang. How I coveted them all day, only to find that when I got them, they were cold. Stupidly, I still ate them. Note to self: Never eat cold street food.

The Whopper: Must have been the cake or the egg or something else, but last night was no picnic. I'll spare the details but nothing can invoke hate more than food poisoning.

So, hopefully, I have learned a few lessons. Wash your hands numerous times a day. Do not touch your mouth. Finally, in general, just pay attention to what you eat.

I've been snacking on saltines and 7 up today, the only thing I can seem to stomach. However, I am happy to announce that hell on Earth can now be classified as "getting food poisoning in China." There is nothing more miserable. Well, I mean, comparatively.

Other than that, this week, I am teaching "music" to my students. I printed off copies of some classical rock songs. Bust. The students favorite artists: Backstreet Boys, Britney, Christina...though they also know Ne-Yo and Beyonce. Someone seriously needs to infuse more variety into their lives. I guess that will be me. My last class today, was filled with Simon Says (they are the beginning students) and it had to be one of the best classes I have had. Though, I was fatigued thanks to the lack of sleep last night.

My junior 2's seemed less interested in listening to music, than studying for their geography test. Apparently, it was a STRESSFUL situation for them.

So continues a sick and unusual week in China. Currently, I am still waiting on news of my Spring Festival dates, planning a trip regardless. Though, it is looking like India is definitely off the list now and Thailand has been downgraded to "not-likely". Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia are definite, with the possibility of Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia and Yunnan province (near the China/Myanmar border) pending time off.

So, until next time, zaijian.

The Weekend, WalMart and What the Hell?

2008-11-29T18:51:00.000-08:00

Sunday, November 30

Needless to say, this month has flown by. The weather in Changsha has been gorgeous the past couple of days. Chilly, but clear and sunny. Friday night, I went in search of some Western food.

What I did find was the Chinese equivalent of Burger King. Well, basically, Chinese fast food chains, serve "hamburgers" but really all that amounts too is a chicken sandwich. It worked for me. That plus fries, ice cream and a Coke, were delicious. My stomach seems to be fine now, but the psychological effects of getting sick had really put Chinese food off to me.

I stopped by the central Wal-Mart here, and lo and behold, the greeter was decked out in Christmas attire. They actually have a pretty big Christmas section.

Last night, I enjoyed some tea with a Chinese friend and her friend and then turned in sort of early. Yesterday, was the tail end of a second wave of irritation with China. It is difficult to explain, but I had become very irritable with people the past few days. I did not want to talk to any of them, figuring that they were really only after a chance to practice their English. Nor, could I deal with the crowds on the bus, of which I spent 1 hour and 45 minutes on yesterday to get to the West side. Traffic, was terrible and apparently, the buses can "fit just one more person".

However, I think beared the brunt of this influx of cultural difference and its effects and am looking forward to resuming Chinese study and the like.

I was quite alarmed at the news story emerging from America about the 34 year old man who was trampled to death while opening a Wal-Mart. How disgusting is this? Does anyone seem to pause at the fact that America could be the only place where people crush other people to get a good discount. What is wrong with these people? Do you really feel the need to camp out all day and night, to wait in the lines, the cold, the crowds, all for a product. You have no respect for human life, that you would push and pull and gouge your way to a "falling price". How do some people live with themselves?

Anyways, that is all I have for right now. I now have to work on cleaning my place, and lesson planning for the month of December.

A Chinese Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

November 28, 2008

Yesterday, I celebrated Thanksgiving in Changsha. Going out to lunch with administration from Yali, and the three other foreign teachers that work here, I was treated to a pleasant, upscale lunch. Albeit, the cuisine was of the Chinese-kind.

During the day's six classes that I had to teach, I passed the time playing "Thanksgiving Jeopardy". This was an enjoyable break from the often-mundane classes that I have been holding. For one, the students seemed burned out, but I myself have been experiencing a lot of fatigue in the classroom. These lessons were also effortless, in that they required little planning. For the most part, I think the students enjoyed it.

Later that night, I met up with other volunteers and expats at the Sheraton hotel in downtown Changsha. For 190 RMB, I actually was able to eat pumpkin pie, turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and much more. It was a buffet, and it was well worth the price.

Apart from food though, this Thanksgiving gave me reason to be thankful for so many things. The whispers of lovers on a moonlit night, the purr of a kitten, I'm just kidding. In all seriousness though...

What I have came to realize, is over the past four months, I have bared my conscience, fears, thoughts and heart to China. I have felt frustration, self-loathing, anger, sadness, happiness, confusion, grief, wonderment and inadequacy. I have been moved and I have moved others. I have been lost and I have been found.

I am thankful for the family and friends that I have in America. I am thankful for the new friends I have made in China. I am thankful for my dog, my health, my ability to pass freely across oceans and timezones. I am thankful for being an American. I am thankful for our country. I am thankful my freedoms and the quality of American life. I am thankful for efficiency, structure and functionality. I am thankful that my ancestors worked on cold nights in the hills of West Virginia and across the rainy forests of Washington. I am thankful that my grandparents boarded a ship in the 1920's out of Yugoslavia. I am thankful that I was created, not as an inferior man, because of my sexual orientation, but as a unique individual that has the ability to see the world through unfiltered eyes and unlimited imaginations. I am thankful for God, His son, and their teachings.

There is so much to be thankful for. In a world, often cold, often uptight and always in endless distress, there is much to be thankful for. In its natural beauty, its flora and fauna, its animals, its people, and its soul. I am thankful to be alive.

Fenghuang-Day 3

2008-11-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

November 25, 2008

Yesterday was my last and final day in Fenghuang and if you ask me, it was one day too much. The town is cool but not for over two days. I spent the morning and part of the afternoon, studying Chinese in a coffee shop and drinking a chocolate milkshake. The sun was out and it was warm and peaceful, but I was ready to get back to my own house and bed.

I headed back to the hotel but not before stopping off for a chicken burger. The women that I had met on day one were waiting for me (they are exceptionally nice) and I hopped on a bus to Jishou with them (where I would catch the overnight train back to Changsha). On the bus ride, I sat next to a German woman, the only other foreigner on board, and we talked about traveling. She told me some great places to see in India.

In Jishou, two other women from Hong Kong (in their twenties) took me out for a bowl of noodles. Pretty nice, considering I was getting some of my appetite back from being sick. However, the sickness lasted and continues to last. I spent the last couple hours before my train left, in the lobby of a really nice hotel fending off the bug. The hotel staff even opened up one of their offices to let me use the internet (only in China would this happen!). I then had some more random conversations (IN CHINESE!!!) at the train station and then headed back home. Got into Changsha around 6:30am. My first class today was at 11am.

So, that was my trip. Pretty good. Relaxing. I accomplished what I set out to do, which was study Chinese, sleep in and just get rejuvenated. However, I am feeling sort of homesick with Thanksgiving around the corner and also, the sickness really depleted me and has left me wanting nothing to do with Chinese food.

Until next time.

Fenghuang, Part 2

2008-11-24T02:57:00.000-08:00

November 24, 2008

So when I last left off, I was heading out for a walk. That night (Saturday), I hit the tiny streets and alleys of Fenghuang. The town is littered with some interesting and colorful shops, bars and coffee shops.

I stopped at one such place, bought a 15 kuai pineapple type drink and sat back to watch a live band play some Chinese and American songs. The cover band was led by a 28 year old Fenghuang native, whom upon later speaking to, I would find out loves Nirvana. He about flipped when I told him I was from Kurt Cobain's hometown.

So, back to my cold room for the night (it was extra to pay for heat), I curled up in my long underwear, fleece and beanie, under two blankets and slept the night away.

Unfortunately, my stomach had other plans. No need to go into detail here but "China gut" as it is known can be real inhospitable.

The next morning, I got up to go out for a hike around the Fenghuang country side. Following the river as it meandered through rice paddies, villages and around the terraced hills, I spent a good 5 hours. I listened to music, took some great pictures and just meditated in the middle of one of the fields. It was quite the scene, watching a woman sing a Chinese folk song and herd her cattle around, while I watched and learned. It hit me at that moment, that everything about this picture was China. The farmer. The fields. The dogs barking in the background. It was one of those random but incredible moments that solidify the decisions you make.

That night, I went out again. This time, just nosying around some more alleys and finally stumbling into the Aug Cafe. The latter, a 3-story coffee shop, straight out of the Pacific Northwest, has some reasonably priced (though over my budget) drinks and I got a Bailey's and hot chocolate and flipped through Chinese travel magazines, while listening to the jazz, Sinatra and others in the background.

Pretty much that entailed all of day two. Lots of relaxing and internalization.

Phoenix

2008-11-22T03:26:00.000-08:00

November 22, 2008

I'm in Phoenix, minus the heat. Phoenix is the name for Fenghuang, a hilly village in Hunan, named after the mythical bird (ala Harry Potter). My trip started out last night, taking an overnight hard sleeper from Changsha to Jishou and then bussing it for two hours to Fenghuang. Unfortunately, I did not get much sleep on the train and then the bus broke down, stranding us until a replacement came along.

On the train, I kept waking up because the bed was so damn hard. I rolled solo, was going to meet up with another volunteer at his placement site, but decided that it was just too much travel and money to spend. So I am up in the hills of central China for 3 days and two nights.

This place is a tourist-haven, but I am one of only like 6 foreigners I've seen. I got swarmed today by the Chinese paparrazzi. Literally, when a group of Chinese college students saw me, they started a photo-taking frenzy where dozens of people were either taking pictures of me or posing with me for a picture. It is bizarre having that much attention and basically being treated like a celebrity but I really layed it on thick today too. Not in a self-righteous way, I just had fun. Why resist?

Randomly, I met these two middle-aged Chinese women on the bus from Jishou and they basically invited me out all day to hang out with them. They helped me find a room and even bartered with the owner to get the price down for me. For 50 kuai a night, I have a single room, overlooking the water. Probably the best view I have ever had, anywhere. See pictures soon.

Tonight, I am going to go check out the bar scene here. This village was built about 1200 years ago but is well preserved and now attracts people from all over China. It is really relaxing and quiet but very coloful. I really needed the time to think and just kick back and study Chinese. Probably will go to a coffee shop on Monday for a few hours before I head out that night. Tomorrow, I plan on hiking around again.

Traveling alone can be a drag but it can also be challenging. I find myself always meeting interesting people and having random adventures. I also know that it makes me stronger, even though it can be hard at times. Still, this is really my only truly independent travel this year. Other times, I have either went with someone, met up with someone or bumped into someone (although it was for like 5 minutes tops in Beijing). Anyways, things are COLD but good. I'm gonna go find a warm drink and enjoy nice walk in the crisp, CLEAN air.

What's the Problem?

2008-11-20T21:45:00.001-08:00

November 21, 2008

Without a doubt, my number one complaint about China is the logistics of traveling during peak times. My school has not really helped this issue at all. Case(s) in point:

#1: In August, before the start of school, we were required to get our Foreign Residency Permits within 30 days of being in China. So, what does our liaison do? She waits until day 30 to get the permit. It involved filling out some applications, pretty straight forward. However, with the Olympics and everything else, I did not see my passport for about 5 weeks.

#2: Our school said we would get six days off for mid-terms. Turns out that we did not get those dates off after all.

#3: We were told last week to take our Spring Festival vacation on January 1. Now, our liaison, who was ALL EXCITED to tell us that good news, and that we would get 7 weeks off, doesn't know when we will get off.

Okay, I understand that this happens in a Communist state, in a developing country, in a bureaucracy. I am not miserable about it. BUT HOW HARD IS IT TO CONFIRM?

What our school does not understand, is that, unlike most of the Chinese employees here, we have passports and can travel. We also have people that need to start getting Visas together to come over here. We need to make arrangements.

China expects everyone to just do things at the last minute. It is absurd, inefficient and ridiculous. Of all the Communist governing strategies, restriction of movement is right up there as the most insulting.

Hot Head

2008-11-19T05:10:00.000-08:00

November 19, 2008

Today started off pretty bewilderingly. After sleeping later than I expected (4 of my 6 classes were canceled), I got up to a shaky start. I have been trying to make Thanksgiving plans and my original plan was to return to Beijing for a few days with Stephanie. Well, after consulting my bank account, I realized that I am indeed a volunteer and will need to save this money.

I am also really motivated to study Chinese as much as possible and continue going to the gym. I am just occupied and busy all the time and really in no mood for bullshit.

Speaking of which, I had to deal with it because of colleagues, which can be a drag. The bottom line is I GET SO F*CKING P*SSED OFF when people cannot communicate properly. It is annoying and unprofessional. Needless to say, everyone feels this frustration, no matter where they work. I just have to remember what my experience has taught me and how I can use my mediation (yeah, that's right CMC) skills to combat the situation.

All I ask is that people do not assume, insinuate, or commit me to anything without approval or qualification.

With that being said, I am bummed that I cannot afford to go to Beijing again (twice in the same month, I am so spoiled) but Spring Festival could cost more than I imagined, especially because it will likely include a round trip ticket to somewhere (hopefully India).

Plus, I have to buy a camera because my pocket digital Inspiron is kind of a joke. It takes really good pictures but the monitor is broken thanks to some inept maintenance at Panasonic.

I am still waiting on two packages that Trey sent me like 3-4 weeks ago. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make it here.

Anyways, I had to get a refund for my Beijing ticket. Usually, if you cancel, the train station keeps 20% of the ticket. Haha, for some reason (I don't question why procedures change here) the ticket depot gave me a full refund and I didn't have to go to the train station (usually refunds and exchanges can only be made at the station). This is really lame, I know. However, when you rely on public transportation, are short on time, need money, and dealing with a language barrier, this is exciting news!!

In the afternoon, I wung (past tense of "to wing"...I'm an English teacher ya' know) both of my Junior 1 classes. Then it was off to the gym.

The best news of the week is that I have found a little shop that serves soft-serve Ice cream (and it doesn't start with McDonalds or KFC because I am not eating at those places NOT ONCE in CHINA). The only flavor is pineapple (buluo bo). Mmmm...so good.

Just got back from an exciting spinning class at the gym and had maybe the hottest dish I have had yet for dinner (niu rou ye lu se la jiao/mifan) or "beef with green peppers and rice. Made my head hot, hence the title of this entry.

Until tomorrow. Hui jian!

Shaoshan-Day Trip

2008-11-18T05:58:00.000-08:00

November, 18, 2008

Today, I accompanied all of the Junior 1 students and their teachers to Shaoshan, a town about 2 hours Southwest of Changsha. The day started early, and in typical Chinese fashion, the time I was supposed to catch the bus changed from 6:30am to 7am to 7:15am over the course of 3 days. Well, that's China for you. No worries.

There must have been about 1,000 students packed onto about 20 tour buses with their teachers and the tour guides. I am on a high from all the attention I received. After starting the morning off singing Ricky Martin's "Cup of Life" over the buses loudspeaker, (I was forced to sing, happens a lot here: singing and dancing), I received my very own, complimentary stuffed animal.

The rest of the day, I spent time practicing my Chinese with the 11 and 12 year olds, including one of my favorite students, Harry Potter. He is 12, has a scar just like Harry, is adorable, can speak excellent English and wants to attend, MIT, Harvard and Yale. Again, he is 12. So, what if my Chinese skills are only at a 3rd grade level, the students are patient and love talking to me. I had about 50 offers to sit with students at lunch, but had to turn them down to sit with some Chinese teachers.

As is custom, we engaged in a beer over lunch and a smoke afterwards. Yes, I did take the cig., but in the immortal words of #42, I didn't inhale.

Shaoshan, is famous because it was the hometown of Chairman Mao Zedong. Chairman Mao is adored and revered here long after his death in 1976. Even though he was responsible for the murder of thousands of people during the Cultural Revolution of the 1960's, that little dark piece of Chinese history has been nicely swept under the rug. Mao statues and posters are everywhere. His propaganda is sold at souvenir stands through out China.

It was in Shaoshan, where Mao got his start, and I spent the day walking around his childhood homestead, the Mao museum and the house of Li Shaoping (who was one of the founders of the Communist Party of China). This was all on the school's dime! I love field trips.

I may try to go on another one next week if I can get out of class. This time with the Junior 3's. After getting home, I hit the gym, did some work, and talked to some of the people I have gotten to know there. Anyways, the real test now is to bear down and study, study, study Chinese. Also, I have to start planning for my 7 weeks of vacation. God, that is a long time.

Today was great.

Cheers!

A Complete Wrap-Up of the First Three Months

2008-11-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

INTRODUCTION

Okay, so first of all, I would like to apologize. I have not been the best at submitting posts, as is evident by their erratic appearances. I know I said that I would blog often, so it is time to live up to my part of the bargain.

However, one thing that I did not want to do, is turn the blog into an online journal. I have a lot to share, but I did not want the blog to become to interpersonal. I'm not really a fan of blogs like that. I instead wanted it to be commentary, observational, and in general, just thoughts, BUT NOT a journal.

Regardless and maybe inevitably, it is time for people to know a little bit more about what happens in my daily life. I honestly cannot remember if I have written all this before, but in very blunt terms, this is what happens. This is the lowdown. May all your questions be answered.

My Program
I am a volunteer with WorldTeach. I applied with them in January 2008. They placed me at a school in China. I am not their employee but to ensure that I am paid on time, they do pay me, after the school pays them. Yes, we are paid as volunteers (how else would you be able to eat?).

There are certain obligations I have to fulfill with WorldTeach despite not being an employee. These include: completing a 3-week orientation training (check); completing a 3-day mid-service training in March; completing a 3-day end of service training in June; submitting weekly teaching assessments; submitting weekly "ups and downs"; holding a bi-monthly phone call with the assistant field director or field director; having one of the latter observe me teach (at least once during the academic year); and submitting a monthly submission of my best lesson plan.

WorldTeach has two full time employees, a field director and assistant field director, that handle the in-country operations. Basically, they look out for us over here. All they ask is that we keep them informed, tell them when we travel, fulfill our obligations mentioned above etc.

My School
I am employed as a full-time teacher at Yali Boarding Middle School in Changsha, Hunan, China. Yali has two campuses in Changsha. The main one and the boarding school. The main campus is in downtown Changsha. They even have their own Wikipedia article : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yali_School

Most Chinese always say, "Oh, you work at a very good school, excellent school or famous school." It is true.

The boarding school (known as "Nanya") where I live and work, is in the Southeast part of town (Guitang). Think of it like this: If Changsha was New York, the Yali main campus would be in Manhattan (upper-west side), my campus would be in Brooklyn.

There are 5,000 students at my school. It is a middle school, which is the equivalent of grades 6-12 in the states. Half of the students board here, half commute.

Teaching

I started teaching on September 1st. Even though our contracts stipulate that we do not have to teach over 16 classes per week, the school pretty much insisted that we teach more. I am up to 18 classes per week and 1 English Corner (which is basically a free-for-all activity period where students are "supposed" to speak English only). It never works out like that.

I teach three Junior 1 advanced classes (10-12 year olds) and four Junior 2 advanced classes (12-15 year olds). Each of those classes meet twice a week, for a total of 14 classes. I also teach four regular Junior 1 classes.

The advanced classes have about 30-35 students per class. The regular classes have about 60-65 students per class. In all I teach approximately 730 students a week. The students in the regular classes basically can form only simple sentences and are significantly noisier than the advanced classes. In total, I teach 18 classes per week.

I was teaching Monday through Friday. However, I moved my Monday classes to get a three-day weekend. So now, I have schedule over the course of four days: Tuesday 4 classes, plus English Corner; Wednesday, 5 classes; Thursday, 6 classes; Friday, 3 classes.

There are numerous staff and teachers at Yali, I do not know the exact number. Most live on campus, I would say.

I teach Oral English. The sole purpose of my teaching is to get the students to SPEAK IN ENGLISH. Sounds simple, it isn't.

Difficulties I encounter include typical childhood behavior at those ages, a more immature nature in general (I believe that Chinese students mature at later ages than American students), incessant talking when I speak or when other students talk, and overall a more laid back attitude taken during my classes (they are viewed as a free period, whereas they would dare not dream to be so rambunctious with a Chinese teacher).

At school, I report really to no one. The hierarchical structure is quite similar to a University system in the states (well, sort of). Their is a Department Chair for each subject, a head of Teaching Affairs and Student Affairs, Head Principal, etc. As a foreign teacher, all my questions and problems go through a liaison.

The school has basketball, track and soccer teams but they do not really compete like they do back in the States. I have not really figured out how interscholastic activities work here, if they exist and to what extent. I know their are clubs (English, Radio Station, Guitar).

On campus, the foreign teachers, of which their are four, (all WorldTeach volunteers) share their own office BUT have their own classroom. This is a big perk. Most volunteers do not have their own classroom. It is great. It took some time, but we got locks on our doors, which really helps keep out "unwanted guests", meaning other students who absolutely trash the classroom, leaving everything from cigarette butts to Noodles in the desks and on the floor.

Most classrooms are equipped with projectors and t.v.s. Mine is not. Classrooms here are quite the spectacle. I teach using chalk and an eraser with some visual aids, I print out or from magazines, maps, postcards, etc. I was using a laptop and teaching in the student's homeroom but it is a hassle. Most classrooms also have a security camera. Most of the time, I think they do not even tape anything but I do feel like Big Brother is watching me.

Teaching

For any class over the maximum 16 that I work, I am paid an extra 120 RMB (renminbi) a class. So for two classes and the English Corner, I pull in an additional 360 RMB (renminbi) per week. That is about $53 USD.

I am paid the equivalent of about 2450 RMB/$352 USD per month as a volunteer. So in total, I make at about 3400 RMB/ $500 USD per month. If I tutor I charge a rate of 150 RMB per hour. I have not been doing much of it, just because it can be more valuable to have free time. At least in my opinion.

This may not seem like a lot of money but in comparison to the national per capita income of $6800 USD a year, I get paid very well. That per capita figure is highly skewed here and not accurate (read: tremendous socio-economic stratification).

I would guess that most, MOST, Chinese make less than 1000 RMB per month.

The school pays for my apartment and I am allotted a certain number of Kilowatt hours for electricity, etc. over the course of the year. If I go over on usage or make long distance phone calls on my apartment's land line, I pay for it. This really isn't a problem since I have a cell phone. Everyone in China has cell phones. I wanted to go without one but it is pretty much a necessity over here now.

Speaking of which, my cell phone is pay as you go, which is sort of annoying but sort of great. I text people more than I call because it costs a lot less.

In terms of living situation, I live by myself and the three other American WorldTeach volunteers live next door to me (each has their own apartment as well). Our apartments are considerably bigger than other teachers and have Western toilets.

Try squatting just once and you will learn the appreciation of Western style toilets. Frustrations in the apartment include the mold that festers on clothing, the earthworms in the shower, the ants in the kitchen, the general dampness of my clothes or bedding because of the relentless humidity. I have hot water for showers (lasts about 3 -4 minutes tops), AC/heater, a water boiler, propane stove, water cooler, tv, internet.

Apartment came furnished with bed and Asian style furniture (wood with thin cushioning).

Goods and Shopping

China has anything and everything you could possibly imagine. I have never seen so much "STUFF" in my life. China is the king of production. I used to shake my hed at how much Americans consumed, or how stocked our grocery stores were. It does not even compare to China. Like I said before, you can find anything here and if you can't find it, you aren't looking hard enough. China appears to have an appetite for consumption, so let's hope they adopt Green technology FAST.

There is an American presence in Changsha. There are three Wal Marts, a Metro (German version of Sam's Club), Two Carrefours (French version of Targets) and numerous Chinese versions of the latter. There are countless convenience stores, bubble tea shops, salons, hardware stores, etc.

In terms of purchasing goods, I had this grand expectation that Changsha was basically the middle of nowhere. I gave the Chinese economy no credit. It is the second strongest in the world, meaning that you can find anything, especially in a large city (save Cheese, which I do not even remember when I had last). However, Metro sells cheese but I never go there.

Imported products are more expensive (peanut butter for example). Coffee is catching on but not as big as tea (obviously). There are chains of coffee shops and in large cities like Beijing and Shanghai the streets are inundated with Starbucks. Though, if you know me, you know that I am anti-Starbucks, so this is pointless.

Nevertheless, there is a lot of "Americanization", whatever that means, but basically most of the businesses are Chinese owned and operated franchises, mom and pops or local chains. They have the Chinese equivalent of Wal Mart or Target (RT Mart, Bu Bu Gao) which I will usually shop at if I need to find something and no it is there for convenience sake (i.e. a windbreaker I just bought).

In terms of food, I eat out a lot more than I cook. For the equivalent of about .75 US cents, I can get a great meal. I do not crave Western food at all. McDonalds and KFC are huge here. I buy all my fruits, vegetables and meats from the local market, which is outside and sells everything from live fish, crabs and ducks to watermelon and tofu.

Ironically, the Chinese do not refrigerate eggs, yogurt, or milk (which DON'T WORRY MOM, I have not been drinking) but it lasts longer. Big chains like Wal Mart or the other ones I mentioned refrigerate their meat BUT....BUT BUT BUT...you cannot barter for prices at those places.

Speaking of which, that is the best part of street shopping here, because you can always negotiate. In terms of some food items, I have an older woman that I frequent at the market and she usually hooks me up with garlic cloves or some peppers for free. Other than that, a street merchant will break out an old fashioned scale and weigh your fruit, vegetables and meat and then give a price.

Do they rip me off? At times, they may, Chinese merchants do look to take advantage of the "waigouren" (foreigner), but it all evens out in the end I think. Most of the time, the price is fair. If all else fails (this is more true for goods or souvenirs than food) you can just walk away. They will chase you down and give you the price you want. I actually had a woman run after me for about a quarter mile in Hangzhou trying to sell me tea.

Rice is cheap (most restaurants you are not charged for it, or it is serve yourself), and yes, I eat it all the time. Noodles are in abundance. At more modern restuarants, you are charged for plates and napkins. Most bathrooms are bring-your-own toilet paper.

Peppers, oils, pork, etc. I eat more eggplant (chiazi) than you could imagine. Basically, the food ALONE is worth coming to China for, and if anyone ever tells you to not eat on the street, punch them straight in the mouth. Don't question it. Knock on wood, I have not vomited from anything (at the time I wrote this I hadn't but this past weekend I did) and I have eaten some questionable things.

I have not tried dog yet, but I will. Overall though, besides the sea urchins and starfish I saw in Beijing, nothing is really grotesque and even if it is, that is no excuse to try it. Though, I could say I am not a fan of fish here. It is really just not appetizing and too bony. I never order it.

Hunan Cuisine

The province I live in, Hunan, is said to have the second spiciest food in China (Sichuan province having the spiciest). I could not handle it at first. I would sweat bullets. Now, it is not uncommon for me to order a pepper filled dish and add more peppers to it. I cannot seem to get it hot enough and often crave the spice if I leave the province.

In terms of other cuisines, Northern food, consisting of dumplings (jiaozi) and steamed buns (baozi), more breads basically, can be found on the street or in restaurants. I eat like a pig here because the food is so damn good. Is it the healthiest? That is debatable. It is all cooked in oil, fried, but then again, who knows. I guess my cholesterol reading will be the judge of that.

Health and Fitness

Despite the fact that I eat off the street a lot and in dive back-alley restaurants, I have lost 25 pounds since I came here. I attribute this to the fact that the food is oily, spicy and generally filled with vegetables. I also did not (haha) sustain much in my system for the first month. Green tea, of which I drink plenty, also suppresses my appetite. Most of the guy volunteers I know here have lost muscle and weight, while the girls have put weight on. Overall, I feel like I eat less but who knows. If it looks or smells good, I eat it.

Physically, I have tendinitis in both Achilles tendons. An ailment I attribute to running and playing too much tennis before I came to China. IT SUCKS BIG TIME! I cannot run, play basketball or badminton. I've had to turn down a lot of offers, which I do not think the Chinese look highly upon. I just explain to them as best I can that I am hurt. They understand and after several weeks of non-activity and icing I am hoping for an improvement. It seems to be getting better.

I have joined a gym though. Completely modern with yoga, palates and spinning classes. Like everywhere else in China, I am a spectacle and just embrace the fact that people stare at me when I workout. Hey, they are just curios. It's not a big deal. The people at the gym I work at our great, but you can definitely tell that the fitness craze is new to China. They just don't seem to get it and jeans, sandals and topless Men are pretty much the norm in the weight room.

Customs, Culture Shock, Expectations

A lot of people think that the way the Chinese live their daily life and some of their habits are rude. I think the opposite on some things and completely agree with others. Honestly, I love the fact that you can blow your nose (snot rocket style) and spit on the street, bus, restaurant floor, etc. Farting, belching, slapping their lips while eating, everything an American would consider taboo, is game here. That being said, the more sophisticated cities do have less "obnoxious" behavior. I look at it like this, there are 1.3 billion people here. If you gotta spit, you gotta spit.

The one thing that I cannot deal with is pushing and crowding in line. Though I admit I will do it, I have had some success speaking Chinese to people, which immediately tells them that I do not appreciate being pushed or crowded in front of. The Chinese relate to space differently. This has to be a by-product of living in such a crowded society. Basically, they are always looking for more space. If they see it, they take it. I still find myself waiting for people to go in front of me if it is crowded and then realize that I will be waiting there forever because that favor will not be returned. Old women are the worst! I literally nudged one out of my way in a line to a museum in Shanghai. She tried sidling me to get a head and homey don't play that. You might think it is mean, but don't knock it til you've dealt with it. I've also had to extend both hands to play traffic cop at a bus stop in Beijing just so people don't trample each other getting on the bus. My greatest victory was getting lay-in lines formed at a pick-up basketball game. Order in China? Surely, you jest.

The Chinese are a paradox, worried about appearance and oblivious to it at the same time. Women for the most part dress provocatively. Young men, wear more upscale urban clothing. It is not uncommon to see men wearing business suits working construction. All this revolves around poverty and the long climb out of it, which I don't have the time to get into. Overall, the new fashions in China are incredible in my opinion.

Overall though, they are just not so G** Damn uptight as Americans. Casual is the norm, though Chinese fashion is pretty amazing. Women and young people like to look good, even if it means wearing the same outfit over and over again. Hair is big here. Figuratively and literally. I have seen men with some great cuts. Flock of Seagulls anyone?

Most men grow out their fingernails, a sign that they do not have to work in the field to make a living (or so I have heard). Machismo is everywhere with the males but its all good. As a man, I have a huge advantage. Not only am I more respected by my students, but other Chinese men are quick to offer me drinks and cigarettes and just strike up a conversation. Women are not viewed the same and are not expected to drink nor smoke.

Babies and children are the center of the Universe here, or so it seems. Note to self: Do not try to make your students draw a family tree. It is quite odd to ask a class of 65 how many of them have brothers and sisters and see only 2 or 3 hands go up. (One child policy).

Time, Deadlines, Scheduling, Bureaucracy. These are a few of my least favorite things. Time here is relative. Trains generally are punctual but the cab or bus you take to get there is not always reliable.

Typically, a Chinese person's day looks like so:

5am-6am: Wake up. Morning exercises, etc.
6am-7am: Breakfast
7am-12pm: Work
12pm-2pm: Lunch/Siesta
2pm-5pm: Work
5pm-7pm: Dinner
7pm-12am: Whatever

It is kind of annoying being out where I live. It can take as long as two hours to get to downtown but also take as short as 35 minutes depending on traffic congestion. Also, you really have to plan your life around the bus system. For instance, trying to catch a bus around 5pm-6pm will take longer because the drivers take dinner breaks (as well as lunch and breakfast breaks). The buses. All of them in the city, just basically stop running.

Planning and scheduling are done on the fly. I have learned at the last minute that a class has been canceled or shown up to my room or the student's homeroom to find no one there. It just happens that way. You just have to roll with it and not let it frustrate you. This has proved to be a daunting challenge because some things in China are very structured (classes at the gym, train times, school bells), but the general flow of life is lucid and flexible. Meaning that there is constant conflict between modernization and functionality and the elasticity with which most Chinese lead their life.

This in turn, makes it difficult to adjust too as an American, growing up in a society that is highly structured, functional and organized. (Note, I did not say that that is necessarily better) I can already tell that I will HATE waiting at crosswalks like sheep when I come back to the United States.

Speaking of Which....

My Future

I finished applying to law school in early October. I applied to several schools looking at schools that had programs in public interest, international and comparative law and the ability to study human rights laws. Basically, I wanted a school with a good international focus. Now it is just a waiting game.

However I do have to say that my options are open. China is an up-and-coming place and the ability to find a job here is enticing. There is a lot of foreign investment and with the economy the way it is, who knows what will happen.

Disconnected is how I feel right now. I really try to keep with what goes on back in the states. Obviously, the election was followed closely but other than that, I have no real gauge. China just has that ability to do that to you. There is so much going on.

Most likely I will know about law school by March and am hoping to have decided on my plans by that time as well. I may go to Beijing, Shanghai, Hangzhou or Hong Kong just to test the waters of the job market. I would consider coming back as a teacher in a larger city and using that to prolong my stay in the country. I am definitely not coming back as a volunteer teacher. That much I have decided.

Environment

Pollution is a big problem here. Trash is everywhere. The air is dark, hazy and dusty. Dust, dust, dust. Construction, construction. Actually, since I live out of town, the air is cleaner. At times, you can see the sky above our campus and be able to see a hazy gray line over downtown and inner Changsha. So, basically, the pollution is doable here. You get used to it but if you have respiratory or severe allergy issues, you would probably hate China.

The City of Changsha

Changsha (Population: 6,470,000)

The city of Changsha is strange to me. It is big and small at the same time. I think it would be bigger than any other city in the states besides New York. Yet, it is only the 19th most populated city in China. Their is plenty to do in terms of entertainment, though.

For big cultural stuff (opera, concerts), I think Changsha is a bust. But, there is always something to entertain you in China.

Travel

China is a diverse place with many places to see. Deciding where to go can be daunting because there are so many places. Overall, train travel is the cheapest most effective way to get around. Of course, during the three major holiday periods, it is excruciatingly difficult to book train tickets. Just takes a lot of patience. Imagine a country of 1.3 billion all trying to travel at the same time. The infrastructure shudders at the thought of it.

My trips thus far include...

August

Hengshan (Nanyue): The southernmost of China's 5 Taoist mountains. Hiked it in late August with hordes of Chinese tourists, buses and lots of rain and mist at the top. Hiked with Maggie (Wisconsin), Caroline (North Carolina) and Neal (Hawaii). Spent a night on the mountain and got up early the next day to get to the top.

September

Mid_Autumn Festival (September 19-21): Two nights in Wulingyaun and two days hiking in Zhangjiajie National Forest. Went with Stephanie (California) and Maggie (Wisconsin).

October

Shanghai: Over "Golden Week", the week long break given for China's October 1st National Day, I traveled to Shanghai for four nights and three days. Visited The Bund, French Concession, British Concession, M50 and "Chinatown", you would understand if you have ever visited this place.

Hangzhou: Spent two days biking and walking around Xi Lu (west Lake) and Longjing village (where the world famous tea is grown. Spent an afternoon in a tea house with some locals. Very nice. Most beautiful city I have been to in China and in my opinion rivals a lot in Western Europe.

Rolled solo. Met up with Daria (Washington) and Joe (Oregon) for dinner one night.

October 17-20: Taking advantage of my newly acquired 3 day weekends (I moved to classes so that I always have Mondays off), I went to Yangshuo (via Guilin) with my friend Stephani (from California). This place is Amazing. Biked around for 2 and a half days, went on a bamboo raft ride, beautiful scenery. Middle of nowhere. Amazing.

November 7-10: Beijing (Great Wall at Simatai, The Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square, Summer Palace, various Hutongs (old alley ways), Chaoyang bar district, Wangfujing Snack Street

Solo. Beijing is AWESOME!

Election

All I can say about the election of Barack Obama as president is that several Chinese people have asked me about it, all have favored it and it brought tears to my eyes (and continues to do so).

Friends

With more than 50 volunteers, about half of which live in Changsha, you can find other Americans to hang out with. However, I think that by doing so, you are robbing yourself of the experience. It is difficult at times to be at a school with other Westerners. For the simple fact, that the "ugly American" syndrome can rear its head. I do have a couple close friends from the group of volunteers.

However, I have spent a great deal of my time getting to know and make Chinese friends. I do have one really good friend here (MJ), who studies at Hunan University. I have also met a ton of other people and do my best to build the relationship. I do think that if I had a better grasp on the language, it would be so much easier to build relationships. However, students in particular, can speak English. Many of them very well.

Language
The most frustrating part and the most rewarding challenge is learning the Chinese language. I took Chinese 101 for four months at the University I worked at but because of time and work, did not study until I came to China.

Have I improved> Yes, I study on my own at random times (though I will start being more structured with this). I usually, study and then go out and talk with locals. Yesterday, I spent about an hour at a market drilling myself on the names of vegetables. I can definitely buy train tickets, order and get around on my own. Having casual conversation is too difficult at this point. I can read some Chinese characters (thank you God for blessing me with a photographic memory) and I routinely text message Chinese friends in Pinyin. The latter is the Roman alphabet version of mandarin.

So overall, I have made great strides but I need to become BETTER BETTER BETTER. Especially, if I was to stay and find work. Other than that, I will be adopting. Starting today, a more rigorous study schedule. Which brings me to my conclusion.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING SINCE JULY 30, 2008? MY EXPECTATIONS. MY GOALS

Well, as you can see I have done and experienced a great deal since the end of July. I have been shocked and elated. I have had expectations shattered and other ones reaffirmed. Case in point: I thought I would do tai-chi all the time but I don't. No time for it.

As far as goals, I think they are realistic and attainable and I am well on my way to accomplishing them...

1) Learn Chinese. First, learn spoken Mandarin and how to write in Pinyin, then learn how to read Characters. Finally, learn to write the characters (or at least type in them).

2) TRAVEL. Already I have seen some amazing places. I just found out that I will get about 7-8 weeks off for Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). I will be leaving the country as transportation in China will be absurd. I am planning a trip to Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Malaysia and Singapore. Time and money pending, I may do India. At the end of service, I am planning on Mongolia and the upper-Northwest part of China. I really want to do Tibet. Taking a train back to Europe, across Eurasia, has also crossed my mind. Seriously.

3) Make Chinese friends. I do think I have really gotten to know some Chinese people, mostly students at local Universities. This is an area that I will continue to focus on as the relationships are quite rewarding.

In terms of other things, I do know that it is a struggle at times but I would not change it for the world. China is a BIG place, with BIG hopes and a long, history. There is much to see and learn.

So, I will TRY MY BEST to blog everyday.

Email me.

Skype me.

View my pictures here: http://picasaweb.google.com/clevengerinchina

Take care.

-Out.

Thank You CNN.com

2008-11-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

Well, fortunately, I am able to follow the election coverage on CNN.com. It is amazing how much of an impact new technology has had on this election. Youtube, bloggers, i-reports. More later....

Election Day

2008-11-04T06:18:00.000-08:00

So, I mailed in my absentee ballot at the end of September. Expressed it back and paid a pretty hefty price to do so. It amazes me that there are still people in America that will not vote this election. What amazes me more, is how people can support McCain. Not because he is a bad guy or because of his age. It is just that he is completely wrong about what America stands for.

Things would be so simple if people just listened to the words in our Constitution. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. All Men are Created Equal. What is there to debate about those words?

I truly believe that when Barack Obama is president and when Democrats have the majority in Congress, we will move to a more promising and progressive future. It will take time and hard work, but our governments needs to push through progressive solutions to energy, the environment and the economy as expeditiously as possible!

Wouldn't it be great to live in a country that does not depend on foreign oil? Wouldn't it be great if fiscal sanity was returned to DC? Wouldn't it be great to walk into a hospital, see a doctor and know that it has been covered, no exceptions, no excuses.?

Anyways, change is coming.

3 Month Anniversary

2008-11-03T04:25:00.000-08:00

October 30 marked my 3rd full month of living in China. Here are a couple of things I have learned or that have happened:

1) In China, you can find ANYTHING and if you can't find it, you aren't looking hard enough.
2) Chinese people may be the friendliest people in the world.
3) Take care of your feet.
4) Successfully buying train tickets is a reason for a celebration.
5) I don't think I will ever be able to eat Americanized-Chinese food again.
6) Again with food, I went from sweating over Hunan cuisine, to eating green peppers straight out of the wok. Love the spice!
7) China is a land of "maybe".
8) Despite the fact that everything is cooked in oil, I've lost 25 pounds.
9) Chinese pace of life = A+, American pace of life = Are you kidding me with this?
10) I love this country. Everyday is like playing a game.

Countryside Capitalism

2008-10-21T20:06:00.001-07:00

A weekend trip to Yangshuo, in the Guanxi Zhuang Autonomous Region (the province south of Hunan), brought me first-hand exposure with the much sought-out culture of the Chinese countryside. Specifically, it's ancient Taoist villages and the culture of the Zhuang people, China's largest minority group, for which the province is named after.

Bathed in diversity both socially and geographically, China is a land of spectacular views and enriching experiences. There is enough hidden treasures and mystery here to keep a traveler occupied for several years, if not a lifetime.

Traveling by night train to Guilin, a city of 670,000 in the north of Guanxi, you are met by the colorful cast of characters that make up this huge and assorted country. With dialects as far flung as the nation's numerous ethnic origins, China's train system, specifically the hard seats, are one of the most up-front ways to experience daily life in China.

Crammed with sunflower seed-spitting Grandmas and cigarette puffing farmers, the trains are crowded and noisy. Cabin lights relentlessly beckon your mind to stay awake until well after 1 a.m. The child sitting on his mother's lap next to you, stares with a constant case of wonderment and surprise. Knee-buckling brakes and faulty air-conditioning, remind you of how far China still has to go.

As with anywhere in China, speak a little of the local language and you are met with accolades of smiles and a favorable reply of "Your Chinese is very good."/Ni de Zhongwen hen hao in Pinyin. Even when it is obvious it is not.

However, it is the Chinese countryside, it's villages, farmers and livestock, that have for centuries grown the products that have fed and clothed the world. The rice fields of Yangshuo and such ancient villages such as Yima, XingLong, JiuXian and ChaoYang are filled with crops such as oranges, cotton and rice. The latter occupying most of the land.

Century-old irrigation ditches quench the soil of this humid and steaming farmland. The karst limestone scenery of Yangshuo's physical delights, inspires photographers of both the foreign and domestic kind.

The bamboo raft rides, come with pit-stops for food vendors and local photographers, each trying to sell you something. In a way, this sort of eco-Splash Mountain, these rides, like other experiences in the countryside, are indicative of the reach of China's capitalist mentality.

In the village of Moon Hill, a tourist trap about 25 kilometers from Yangshuo, we are charged not only for our rice at dinner (which is pretty much a free staple given in every meal in China) but also for the plastic-wrapped plates that we used to eat off of. It seems that in China, a price can be put on everything and anything can be put up for sale.

It is this sense of capitalism, this sense that even the most rural of farmers can make a buck getting you to take a picture of their doorway or livestock, that is alarming and questionable about China's quest for economic dominance. It seems that there is no limit to the extent of what can be bought and sold here, which creates an ethical and personal paradox.

With that sort of national mentality, it is no wonder that human trafficking, organ harvesting and illegal animal trading, have gone unmonitored. Most people in China seem to not blink an eye at the hundreds of exhaust fuming tourist buses rushing people from scene A to scene B.

There is a cost to all of this consumption. It will be most noticeable years from now, in the long-term effects China's industrial revolution is having on our planet. For now, it seems that no part of the country is safe from the long arm of capitalism. While this creates and stimulates, given money to people that would never have dreamed of it before, it also deteriorates and demoralizes. Thousand year-old customs and traditions are now just another tourist opportunity. New roads and construction, to see once isolated villages, wreak havoc on fragile ecosystems in some of the world's most beautiful sites.

Still China churns on, seemingly unaware and unapologetic. It's natural wonders, too numerous to capture, invite investment, tourism and pollution. All of it is done in a quest to keep with the wishes of the dragon's people. All is done, as the Chinese unwrap their new possibilities and adventures, like a child at Christmas.

Upper-end of the Chinese Spectrum...or Defining "Real China"

2008-10-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

You hear the term "authenticity" thrown around a lot over here. "I want the authentic Chinese experience," is what they say. The truth is that the China of Kung-Fu wielding monks, dragons, opium dens and rickshaws is fast disappearing, if not gone already. Those were the types of things movies were made of, at least Quentin Tarantino movies. Anyone expecting that experience should check it at customs or at least bring a good shovel, because you will have to dig for it.

China concentrates its energy and its wealth on 10 percent of the population. At least, that is what I have heard via CNN. 90 percent of the population lives outside of the cities, meaning they receive less money. This (not-coincidentally) is also the China not advertised by, um, you guessed it: the government. What you get is a new classification in the Chinese social system: the migrant worker.

These masses, funnel into cities like Shanghai, Beijing and Guangzhou. They search for work and a better life. They fill jobs such as high-rise window-washer, recyclable-bottle-picker-upper, or "massage therapist". In China, it appears that there is no middle class. You either have it or you don't.

What I have also found is that there is the "actual rich", and the "poser-rich". The latter, predominantly, 18-23 year olds, wear one good outfit over and over again. The same time, they may spend their holidays sleeping in the park because of a lack of money. It makes you wonder where the priorities are. Why do these people spend 300 RMB on a pair of pants and not a hostel room? Or an education?

China is a land of money and it has an insatiable appetite for getting it. Money makes the country go round and since it has a centralized government, that means, many people get left out. This was brought into focus as I saw the upper-side of the socio-economic spectrum this past National Holiday.

My first extensive travel experience in China brought me to Shanghai and Hangzhou. Shanghai with its ultra-modern subway system and glossy skyscrapers, could make a native New Yorker do a double-take, but this city of 15 million lacks something that puts it on par with the world's other great cities.

A soul, or at least, a non-manufactured one, seems to be lacking here. Through the Haagen-Daaz and the ubiquitous Starbucks, Shanghai was absent of anything that made me want to cling to its spectacular views from The Bund. After being at first overjoyed at the cultural opportunities, I was then sickened. I felt a good deal of relief when I left the city after 3 days. I mean, there is just something about overweight middle-aged British men and their young Chinese girlfriends that makes you queasy after a while.

While Shanghai still holds onto a bit of that sleezy port-town image that made it so famous in the early 20th century, it is not the China you would expect. Shanghai is the epitome of what the Chinese government would want every Chinese city to be: high-tech, ultra-rich, ultra-Western. English was everywhere and so was high fashion, Big Coffee and contemporary architecture.

Though the British and French concession still give Shanghai much-needed historical charm, it is not the place for me. I found it to not to have the style of New York or the upbeat mood of Chicago. For all it's glitz, it lacked the excitability of Las Vegas. For all its bright lights shimmering on the water, it lacked the romance of Paris. Shanghai was a good first test, it was good to get it out of the way.

While Hangzhou is just as "well-to-do" as Shanghai, the city that Marco Polo once quoted as "paradise", lived up to the hype. The incomparable West Lake mystifies the city, despite its commercialization on the west banks. The neighboring tea fields were quite pleasant and much less crowded. Even with millions crowding near the city's down town, the fields were nearly vacant and you could even spend a few minutes alone, without being gawked at or hearing another voice. The gardens, the flowers, the tea leaves and the local tea farmers, made Hangzhou one of the most memorable cities I have ever been to. Even though it would fit in that upper echelon of Chinese financial success, I would gladly go back.

I want to get as diverse an experience in China as possible. Culturally, socially and economically. Shanghai brought me the first taste of stratification and I can't wait to see the rest. The city I live in, Changsha, is right in the middle. It really is the epitome of what China is right now. Old and new, side by side.

However, I look forward to searching for more of those bad kung-fu movie type settings and characters.

Chaos, A.D.

2008-09-16T07:46:00.001-07:00

In the land of the rice and tea, there is another mystical substance that is a daily observance; chaos.

From the moment, I walk out of my apartment, to the moment I walk back in, there is a petri dish (figuratively and literally) of commotion. Talking, honking, yelling, shuffling, staring, smoking, walking, fanning, squatting and about 1,000 other "ings".

From the child pooping on the sidewalk, to the old woman staring at the street, to the churning of the transit buses, life is chaotic. Yet, the Chinese don't seem to mind. They live day by day, in this shoulder to shoulder world.

For me, this all equals exhaustion but to the Chinese, it is just another day. They don't seem to mind getting jostled around the bus or the waiting or the pushing. They don't even blink an eye when pedaling down the street and up onto the sidewalk. They do tai chi with megaphones blaring in the background. The sounds alone are enough to make you go crazy, but the added sights and smells make it all the more lively.

So, another day comes to an end in the Middle Kingdom. Tomorrow, I will likely wake up to the sound of woman chattering in the garden, or a buzz saw whining on metal in the nearby construction or they myriad of other distractions and pleasantries that are China.

Showered with Gifts

2008-09-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

This Wednesday, September 10, was Teacher's Day in China. A much bigger event than back in the U.S. I was hoping that I would receive something special from my students, but was actually blown away at the hospitality of the day.

First, a rousing "Happy Teacher's Day!" during my first class. My second class, responded with one of their own, and a coffee mug. Another class, gave me a pen and a pen/pencil holder for my desk. I was treated to lunch by students, dinner by my liaison, and then received a tour of the local government headquarters.

The latter, a bit like walking in the novel 1984, had me nervous but also elated when I saw their gym. Which I can apparently use for free now, as long as I meet the right people. Ping pong for an hour or so, and then free moon cakes in celebration of this weekend's Mid-Autumn Festival.

Now, these mooncakes are not as good as they may seem. I had a berry one and a horse-foot one last night. Yes, horse foot. On the other hand, the hospitality is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It is pleasant and at the same time alarming. For I know it would be simple to take advantage of. And yes, many Americans and other "laowai" or foreigners do!

Those expats are akward people. Some, I imagine, come to China to live the life a celebrity. The constant whispering, giggling and staring, most likely make them feel important. Insecure much?

The freebies you can get by being a foreigner, are anything but few and far between. At the bar, you can be treated to shot after shot, if you desire. But, I have found that it is best to not overuse this phenomenon. Maybe it is karma that I believe in, but I feel guilty. Signing autographs after class could make you feel a little too much like Angelina Jolie, but it is also in a way disgusting.

Why do the Chinese feel that it is so important for Americans to be here? Why are we seen as the epitome of beauty? Granted, I don't mind it when my students tell me how handsome I am, but why is that?

Maybe this is something I will discover as time goes by. Until then, I will maintain stay clear of abusing this "special treatment", as much as possible.

Feeding Time

2008-09-09T04:23:00.001-07:00

I never thought how impossible it could seem to be able to feed yourself. With the assortment of foods here, everything seems more like ingredients than anything else. Onions, carrots, potatoes, garlic, bell peppers (of course!), tomatoes. All are staples here, along with rice, noodles and watermelons. The latter, is a typical dessert at most dinners.

Of course, having these ingredients does not make it terribly easy to cook. I have found that the majority of dishes here are similar. Beef with peppers and MSG. Noodles with some veggies, peppers and MSG. My favorite dish, a beef and pepper combo that tastes similar to taco meat, is quite delicious. But not everyday.

To save money, shopping in the open-air market is the way to go. Sure, you can find almost anything you need at Wal-Mart or Metro, but it will cost you. Everything is expensive. Oatmeal, is the only imported food I have bought thus far. Extra virgin olive oil is ridiculously priced and the oil used (liberally) here is not the healthiest.

So, the quest to make the perfect meal continues. While I have nearly managed to duplicate an egg plant dish you find on the street. I long for the days of nachos and pizza. Though, I am planning on refraining from McDonalds and KFC (which is everywhere!) as long as possible.

The Thing About China Is...

2008-09-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

You can go from bliss to complete frustration in a matter of seconds. The inability to read the language is frustrating. The different Mandarin accents of Putonghua and Changshahua are noticeable to me, even though I cannot understand the words. The people are bent on helping you, but at times it is annoying because you realize that they cannot help you and instead are wasting your time.

Of all the things in China, the incessant honking and the non-stop crowding and pushing (in lines, to the bus, etc.) are hitting the hardest. How can it be, that a Communist nation, faces such problems with inefficiency?

I have relegated to the fact that with 1.3 billion people, their is little to be done to make sure people use crosswalks. There is little to be done to introduce tact (or dental floss for that matter). There is little to be done to reduce the fact that people bathe and kill fish in the same place. Most likely, the sidewalk outside of their house/restaurant or store/house or Mahjong gambling shop/house. The Chinese literally shit where they eat.

It is a filthy, disgusting, stinky place. Yet it is mesmerizing and in some respects very American. But, when you walk past the child pissing in the drainage ditch, or see the thousands of frogs bagged up for slaughter at the market, or dodge the woman throwing out dish/cooking water onto the street, you realize that "developing" is an understatement.

China is at a break-neck pace to become the world's lone superpower and in the process, there is little time for cultural sophistication to catch up with technological and economic prowess.

First Day of Class

2008-09-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

I am met with applause as I enter the classroom. 60 sets of eyes focused on the American now standing in front of them. They giggle behind soft eyes and glance away and poke at their friends. Nervous, elated and uncertain all at the same time.

My first question, a wry and sarcastic, " what time does the class start?" arouses laughter. It takes me little time to realize that most (if any) of the students in the class speak English or understand the question. The next 45 minutes promises to be a learning experience.

I introduce them to the rules of the class. "English only" as number one. Maybe I should rethink that and begin using what little Chinese I know. Immediately I am relieved at how well they follow reading off of the board in unison. As I walk through the aisles, I ask each one individual questions to help gauge their speaking ability. Some speak well, others do not. Their names are Helen, Robert, Thomas and Jack. English names, given to them by a former teacher.

In another more advanced class, 35 much more proficient speakers arrive. They are well behaved and listen attentively. I am relieved because after just 45 minutes of continual whispering in Chinese during the first class I am emotionally drained a little.

With chalk in hand and a wet eraser in the other, we lay ground rules and I interview them. One of them mentions that his mother is a doctor, another mentions that her father is a teacher. I challenge another to a game of basketball. In all, this class is much more fluid than the other. I am relieved to have my own classroom for the advanced classes. One that I can make my own.

In all, 18 classes a week. 45 minutes a piece and one English Corner on top of that. Taking on students to tutor is another possibility but let's see how much energy I have. The schedule I have is large but pales in comparison to the rigors of the students schedule. Up each day at 6:20am...8 classes, sometimes 3 more in the evening. Mandatory exercise classes, eye exercise classes, nap time and study time. They receive about 3 hours a day for meals and free time. Lights out around 10pm.

This is the life of a machine bent on excellence. Rudimentary and rote memorization. Some would view it as robotic, others as competitive. I see it as both. Of all the things in China, the school system seems to be the only one that is structured. To a tee. Bell by bell.

Not So Different

2008-08-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

"We aren't at any poor schools," the other volunteer said to me from across the table. Poor schools? By whose standards? When your classrooms are missing chalkboards, there is a funding problem.

"Chinese people don't vote." Another quote testing my patience. The reality is that the Chinese do vote, elections have been taking place for several years. In what capacity they are held is unknown.

"There are no poor schools, only corruption in the government." How is that any different from the United States? This was the question I posed. "Well (we) know that corruption takes place. We vote." Do we really know the corruption that takes place? Yeah, in 2004, the USA was on top of that in the General Election.

"They (the Chinese) do shitty jobs when their government promises them a better life." Doesn't ours do the same?

The American perspective in China is both irritating and needed. However, I have found that the conflict this creates, this quest to hold China to the same standards as America, is unruly and unrealistic. Things operate differently here and the way of life is held to a Chinese standard, not an American one.

First of all, the jobs the Chinese do are done for a reason. Just like back home. Not (just) because some of them may have to do those jobs but because the Chinese have a different attitude towards life. The Chinese seem happy in what appears to Americans as a chaotic, dysfunctional state of last minute decision making and insurmountable bureaucracy.

For all the development, the changing of the guard, the cultural unfamiliarities, China is guided by the same Universal principles as any other people. People want a better life for themselves, for them and their families. The battle for equality is constant. The battle for a better life is constant. Government will always be a skeptical part of any society, unable to please everyone at the same time.

There are stark differences between our two nations. But there are similarities in the way our lives have been shaped by our government that are the same. It may have taken different parties, different regimes and different philosophies to do so but the principles are the same, in many places, the impacts are the same. Americans are not on a pedestal and the person that tells you this needs to realize that life is relative to the situation you are in.

Yes, comparatively, we do have more money and more materials and better transportation and plumbing than China BUT we also have 1/4 of the people. What is desperate to us, is based on our standards and do not readily apply to a nation that could use a good lesson on basic hand washing techniques.

China is a phenomenon. Growing, grumbling, churning and imposing. The things that move it forward are more similar to America during our Industrial Revolution than people know. What is irritating is that all of this perspective is dismissed and many (Americans) judge it solely based on where it is comparatively with the States at this moment.

The Little Things

2008-08-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

The little things are what make the difference. In nearly every facet of life, they are what separate greatness from mediocrity. They also have the ability to create the greatest amount of gratitude for what you no longer have access to. The latter I have found especially true in China.

Yesterday, the little things came through big for me. It is the little things I miss about America. Not being able to find push pins for example had me frustrated for quite a while. Until I saw them last night at the local store. Aaaaah, my shining beacon in the school supplies aisle. The smile lasted for two hours.

Little things are what separate us from each other. Little things keep us respectfully distant, keep us secure and keep our dreams possible. Going that extra step, taking one more look around the corner, staying one more minute.

All of these little things that occur in our lives. Our favorite radio station, cereal, efficiency in nearly every area of our lives. Too much of it is taken for granted in the states. The truth is that these little things are what keep us together, keep us stable and insure the chance to have happiness. Without them, we are gridlocked.

Coming to China or Leaving America?

2008-08-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

What goes through your head on that long walk to the airplane is one of many things. Undoubtedly, these thoughts are different to each individual. For the opportunity to live in China is built on a bed of expectations. Quickly, I discovered that expectations would be shattered, unrealistic or abandoned altogether.

Case in point: I expected sun not rain when the flight landed. I expected to be practically detained while going through customs but breezed through without a glance. I expected to be the only volunteer going to law school in the future, instead I was one of several.

I have quickly learned that expectations are what nightmares are made of. There is no need to expect what you believe the unknown to be. Especially here.

I have been in China for 28 days, my longest time spent out of America. Already, the stress of daily Chinese life is noticeable and contagious. A clunky, noisy, congested city full of anywhere from 2.1 to 6 million people depending on who you ask. My lungs have burned from pollution and the impact of 1.3 billion people living in close proximity. The fireworks, the constant honking of passing cars, people dodging in and out of traffic and the seemingly incessant speech of entrepreneurs trying to sell you things from pig intestines to piccolos. This is China and nothing is out of the ordinary.

The language barrier, the smells, the sounds, all of them prove daunting tasks to face. The spicy food, sits well on my stomach only for 2-3 days at a time before I crave bread and milk.

Through all of this, the dust, people traffic and noise, I am happy to have found that the Chinese people are fulfilled my expectation that they would be almost relentlessly friendly.

Already, I have been shepherded around the city by an English tutor, been lead to the train station by three girls at my school, been shown the sights of a Bhuddist temple by a fluent English-speaking monk.

To no end, the Chinese have their eyes set on me and on my behavior. I find that even though that can be upsetting or annoying as it has become over the past week, if I asked that individual a question, I would be greeted with a response and a smile, even if I couldn't understand it.

So maybe it is good to have expectations about things but I am slowly learning that to do so in China is unrealistic. For the pace, the people and the flow of life, dictate things in a way that make you feel powerless. It brings a whole new meaning to the word, flexibility.